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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5785
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have a question, would you stay in a marriage where your

Resolved Question:

I have a question, would you stay in a marriage where your husband tells you your and idiot, stupid, and takes the joy out of everything you do just because you dont want to lose your connection with a step child that you have raised for 12 years since he was 5? He is leaving for college in fall of 2012. What does that say about me?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

This sounds like emotional abuse. Calling you names and berating you is abuse. There is nothing wrong with feeling upset about your stepson leaving. And even if your feelings were inappropriate, your husband has no right to call you names and put you down.

 

You can, if you chose, continue with the relationship as it is. But it probably would be a better idea to do something about it. It will not be easy, but if he will not change, you will need to change the situation for yourself.

 

Tell him he needs to stop treating you like this immediately. If he will not, you will need to decide what you want to do in response. Do you want to leave or separate from him? This is something you should think about. You might also consider counseling. If he will not go, go yourself. You need someone to talk this situation out with and someone to help you decide what to do. Talk with your doctor for a referral, or if you attend church, your pastor can help. You can also search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

How about friends or family? Do you have anyone you can turn to? Anyone supportive? Right now, you need other people to lean on in case you do have to leave the relationship. Being alone is difficult, but if you have others to help you, you will not be alone.

 

Being emotionally abused takes a toll on your self esteem. Your husband has been putting you down instead of doing what he should which is be your biggest fan and best support. Do some good things for yourself. Go out and do something fun for you. Get a new haircut, have your nails done, see a play, whatever you feel helps. Go with friends or family. Someone that makes you laugh is great.

 

Also, educate yourself on domestic abuse. It is important, because the more you understand the better you can help yourself. Here is an excellent link to get you started:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

 

Here are some books that can help you as well:

 

It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock

 

No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men by Mary XXXXX XXXXX

 

Finding Your Way Through Domestic Abuse: A Guide to Physical, Emotional, And Spiritual Healing by Constance Fourre

 

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
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