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Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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My husband is taking a job in Lexington, KY. I have a good

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My husband is taking a job in Lexington, KY. I have a good job (making about same as what he will be making) in Florida. We are currently experiencing a great deal of financial strains as my husband lost his job almost 3-years ago. We have lost two homes (via a shortsale and one foreclosure) and are currently renting. I am willing to leave my current job and find another position elsewhere. I am 12-years younger than my husband and we both feel that I would be more marketable to find another job versus himself. I have a 14-year old daughter whose father lives in the same city we currently live in. My daughter and I are very, very close. I have briefly (very briefly) shared with her the idea of moving to Kentucky. One minute she says she would be fine with a move; and other times she states that she will go live with her Dad. She gets along with her father, loves him very much, but does not like to stay with him for any length of time. I am concerned on how to explore and share our idea of moving with her. My husband and I have discussed living in separate cities. As time gets closer to his move (in one month), I am less comfortable with living alone for 3-weeks or more each month. My daughter will be starting high school next year. She is very, very active. Great athlete, great student, and very well like by her peers. My questions are these: 1) what reactions should I expect to receive from her, and 2) how should I handle her emotions in dealing with a big move such as this. What should I say or not say to her?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Luann replied 5 years ago.

Luann :


Luann :

Excellent questions! This is a tough situation and there are no easy solutions. You need to have some honest, frank discussions with your daughter. She is old enough to understand the financial situation and these tough economic times. She is also at an age where emotions change quickly, so be prepared for her to shift often. Don't react, just listen, affirm that this kind of change is hard. Try not to argue points when she is emotional, save that for calmer times. Her emotions are going to reflect her fears and anger, let her know you understand and will be there for her. Let her know that you are invested in finding the best solutions possible. Include her in the decision making. Sit her down, be clear about the situation and tell her that you are looking at all options. Look up as much information about the area on the internet, then plan a trip to Kentucky so she can visit the area and local schools. You may want to consider staying in Florida with her until the school year is over, that way, you and her could visit a couple of times. Be clear with her that you want her input, brainstorm lots of options, for this next year and the years until she graduates, and let her know that you aren't going to decide on any one option until you have gotten as much information as possible and you both have had time to think things over. This is a good learning opportunity on how to make these kinds of decisions. Show her that you don't make big decsions based on emotion alone, information and logic are very important. You will need to be the stable, logical one here. Don't let her emotional reactions get to you. You have a close relationship going for you, this will help a lot. Good luck to you and let me know if you have other questions.

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