I can understand you being distressed by this situation.
You state that you have tried counseling, I am assuming marriage counseling. If that is the case I strongly encourage just you to go to counseling. This is an emotionally abusive situation. Your husband's behavior is demeaning and disrespectful. If he can not place you first in his life, than you need to seriously question staying in this marriage. You deserve better.
MY HUSBAND WROTE THIS (He said I should tell the story like this - this is only about one of his ex-girlfriends ).....A former girlfriend of my husband from ten years ago recently contacted him and notified him that her mother, who he was extremely fond of, has terminal cancer and has less than 90 days to live.
The former girlfriend stated that the dying mother requested that she contact my husband because she wanted to see him, knowing that she would be dead soon. My husband asked the former girlfriend when the mother would available for a visit. The ex girlfriend said” Any Saturday between 2pm and 8pm that’s when her mother typically receives visitors”. The husband made a mental note and a week later he visited the mother. In attendance was a grand niece and 2 grand children and her oldest son. The visit was pleasant and sad because the obvious condition of the mother. The visit lasted for 45 minutes and my husband came home and shared the experience with his wife .The former girlfriend is happily married and has moved on with her life and speaks to my husband a few times a year from a strictly platonic position as my husband is very happy with our marriage.
So what is the real story and what is your question?
The rea story is my husband feels justified by his actions. Do you still stand by your response after submitting what my husband thinks?
If what you told me is what happened, than I stand by my response. My guess is that there are many perspectives here and I again encourage you to get into individual couseling to help you sort out what is going on here. You need the kind of support and guidance you can get from individual counseling. I encourage you not to make any major decisions until you do this. Good luck to you.