Hello and Welcome to JustAnswer. Your question is not closed until you are satisfied. I am happy to assist you with your question.
You need to talk to someone who can help you clarify. You are caught between your positive emotions for the other man versus your guilt for hurting your husband. This is not the best time for you to be making any life changing decisions. Please speak with someone who can help you sort out your feelings so that you can make a rational decision. You already know you can't go on like this.
I know I need to talk to someone and i've tried several times, but I guess I have not been able to express what's really going on in order to get the help I need. I had a therapist tell me I need to stay with my spouse and proceed to tell me how to do that. How do I find the right therapist? What do I look for? Someone who specializes in relationships? Individual? I need to work on "me" I want to understand why i'm so discontented in my marriage and I started feeling this way even before I met the other man. Is it never possible to truly love someone else and have that relationship work? I just want to get past the issues of my past that cause me to feel I have to put everyone before myself, specifically, feeling "mom will be mad at me if I leave my husband".