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Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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I am dating someone who is still in love with his ex. She left him and there is no ch

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I am dating someone who is still in love with his ex. She left him and there is no chance of them getting back together. He is a great guy and treats me very well, but sometimes he gets very melancholy about her. He says I am helping him to move on and asks me to be patient, but sometimes I feel like I am just a crutch he is using to not think about her. Should I give him time to get over her or move on.
I should say that I am 56 and have been a widow for 7 years. I didn't think I was going to find anyone right for me. He is right in every other way but this one BIG thing and it is hard for me to decide what I should do. Please help.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 5 years ago.

Tamara :

Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

Tamara :

I'm sorry that you are having these troubles with your boyfriend. How long have you been dating?

Tamara :

Are you there?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

We have only been dating for two months

 

Expert:  Tamara replied 5 years ago.
I'm sorry to hear that you are finding yourself in this situation. I know it doesn't do much for your self-esteem to feel that he is still in love with his ex. However, what I think I'm hearing you say is that you believe you should learn to accept this situation because you are afraid that you won't do any better. That's not being fair to yourself, and that's certainly not true. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved and adored - and if you don't feel that way in this relationship, then you may want to think about ending things. This man may indeed be a very good man, but he isn't emotionally ready to be involved in another relationship. So you are setting yourself up to be hurt. You can certainly try to give him time - but honestly, I doubt that it's going to make a difference. Right now, all he can do is compare you to her, and you don't want to enter into a relationship with that framework. Feel free to stay if you can accept that reality - but if you want more, then you should move on. Believe in yourself and your value - don't sell yourself short.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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