I guess there are 2 parts to that question; one involving my daughter and one my ex wife. As a note, I remarried a year and a half ago and have a 5 month old son with my wife. Regarding my daughter, I physically have her every weekend. When my daughter is here, she is demanding of my time and attention - which, if I allow it to happen, takes time away from my wife and son. My wife and mother, individually, have tried to explain, show and get me to see that any extra attention I give my daughter when she's here is inappropriate and detrimental to the health of my marriage and relationship with my new son. That being said, I have and am trying to see all this as objectively as possible in an effort to be a better husband and father to my new son. Apparently, I'm not doing a good job. I still continue to put my daughter's needs and wants before my wife and son.
In regard to my ex wife, since we have been divorced (about 5-6 years) she has made decision after decision that puts her own wants above our daughter's benefit. I feel as though when someone has a child that it is that adult's responsibility to put the child first. My reasoning being that the child did
not ask to come into this world and it is up to the parent to do right by that child. My ex wife tends to do what is best for herself - and puts our daughters benefit second to hers. I admit that a ton of my time and energy revolves around keeping my ex 'in line.' It's exhausting for me and my wife. But, I don't know how to not put my daughter first. I just can't wrap my head around the concept despite what I've read, heard, etc.
My wife is incredible. She puts tons and tons of time and effort into helping me help my daughter. You would think that I would show my appreciation by putting my wife's needs first at least once in a while. Unfortunately and admittedly, that seems to not be the case. My wife is continually hurt by my actions. I'm trying to not perpetuate this putting-my-daughter-first decision making so I can do what everyone else says I should do - put my wife first.
Quite literally, my wife and I are on the verge of divorce. She no longer wants to be second to my daughter and feel as though, as she says, she's the "babysitter and the wallet" (as an example of where she's coming from).
The schedule my wife and I have is really tight - working full time and tag-teaming being with our son - then adding my daughter to the mix. My head is spinning, I can't make sense of what seems to be the juxtaposition of putting my daughter first vs putting my wife first. My wife says, and I agree with (at this point) that I'm a better father than a husband. It's looking like I'm heading for divorce #2 if I can't figure out WHY I'm doing what I'm doing and HOW to fix it.
Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX for any help on this.