I worked for a year in a very unpleasant Trust. The behaviour was extremely bad.
I complained after the first 2 months and that triggered a very bad reaction by my female boss. She probably felt insulted and threatened as I sought advice and support by somebody more senior than her. I had a dreadful year during which I was constantly put down, despised and discouraged. Unfortunately I could not leave as it is a training position. I moved to another place after 12 months and there things were a lot better - actually they already knew so they tried to support me as much as they could. 10 months after leaving that place and I still do not feel 100% right. Better, yes, but not 100%.
During my time there and for the first 6 months afterwards I was feeling extremely disappointed by my professional choices and angry that for 1 year I was so helpless and hopless. While I was still there I lost a lot of weight and the worse thing is that I could not remember much. My memory was awful at the time. Scary for a very demanding profession!!
I had routine blood tests and everything was fine - as I thought it will be. I was not suicidal, did
not want to hurt myself or anybody else. All I wanted at the time was to leave. Escape! I reached very close to resigning but then it has been so hard work to get to this stage of my career that I finally decided to persevere and pay the price...I do not think I was depressed. Currently I feel a lot better, about 70% of what I consider my baseline. It still brings tears to my eyes when I remember the way I was treated and most importantly the constant fear while working in that place. All my life - I am now 36 - i have been a very happy person; the one to make others laugh, very optimistic and enthusiastic. I finished the University with prizes and a distinction and at the same time I learned my third language. I have always been against holiday - regarded as a waste of time!
Where is all that energy gone? Is it my age? what happened to me? Do you think I have been depressed and how can I help myself?