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Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and we are crazy

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I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and we are crazy about each other. I cant be away from him, miss him even if he is away for a minute, always scared to loose him. I feel I would die without him. I am 29 years old and he is 37 so we are not young. I never felt anything like that for anyone. Is that normal? Do I have some psychological disorders? I feel I cant live without him and he says he feels the same. I feel I am in hell with my love for him as I am hurt when he is away and always scared to loose him.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

What you describe sounds like a sort of adult separation anxiety and a strong emotional dependence on the other person so that his physical absence is painful and the thought of loosing him is very threatening.

It is obvious that the two of you share a deep connection and feel very attached to each other. At the same time, the constant worry about loosing him is eating into your happiness and is something that I would recommend that you address with a professional therapist.

It is possible that certain unresolved issues from your past (childhood, adolescence) could be springing up now and causing this anxiety and creating this feeling of emotional dependence. Psycholoanalytic psychotherapy is recommended for uncovering those past issues that are at the root of how you feel.

Once those issues are resolved you would typically see yourself enjoying your love/relationship but not being worried about it ending. Also, the anxiety you feel when you're separated from him would reduce significantly so as to not cause any stress.

I hope I was able to provide some perspective.

Please do feel free to reply with any thoughts/questions you might have.

Warm regards,

Arundhati
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
thank you for reply. Could I just developed those disorders just now? I did not feel these issues before? I was told that a person cant just suddenly develop a disorder.
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hi there,

No I don't see any disorder - more a pattern that you've developed which can happen to anyone at anytime. This pattern could have developed as a coping mechanism to deal with unresolved conflicts, or an unconscious acting out of certain buried issues - whatever it is, it is important to get to the root of it so that you can address it before these impulses push you into a place of regret.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I see. Could it be due to we are having some issues and we broke up several times in the past but we got back together? Is that maybe why I am feeling I am loosing him or it ends again?
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Yes, that is certainly a very valid point. Perhaps a part of you is trying to protect you from a possible break up again? As in, that part feels that if you have access to love/affection outside of the relationship you won't feel as rejected/lonely if he were to break up?
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience: Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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