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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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My boyfriend 62 looks like Michael XXXXX XXXXXkes to Im 45 i look like a blonde barbie

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My boyfriend 62 looks like Michael XXXXX XXXXXkes to Im 45 i look like a blonde barbie doll. He loves to look n let the other females know she looks good....not only one he does that with many. He's being doing this 2yrs 6mths Example:
He looks at the girl on the face breasts private part and grin with a smile he does this with women. Women do notice his actions. His skeletons coming out of the closet after me.he answer he doesn't feel he's doing anything wrong or know about it. What do u think?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 5 years ago.

Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

First, let me say I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. Your boyfriend is leering at women in a day and age when it is considered embarrassing behavior by most sophisticated people. Men are expected to be more subtle. And they are expected to be more sensitive to their girlfriend's feelings as well.

And these are both dimensions of this problem that need to be looked at. You are clearly a sensitive and sophisticated woman and you sense these problems. So let's state them openly and examine them.

The first part is that he is boorish, like the roles that Michael Douglas plays, where he gets into inappropriate situations. And your boyfriend has limited insight into himself. He thinks women like it and think he's great. So clearly he does not have great self-awareness or social refinement.

Which gets us to the second part: sensitivity to you. That you've already told him you don't like it and it has made no difference in his behavior is again a sigh of limited self-awareness.

This is mostly a problem of his limited self-awareness and partly a problem of values. He really thinks this is what male female relations are supposed to be like. He genuinely believes he is doing what he is supposed to be doing.

So both parts of this point to you having to make a choice. And I know that you are hoping that there is something you can do to get him to see what is so clear to you. You have sophisticated social awareness. But the problem is that he does not. He has very boorish awareness and doesn't at all see how people don't think highly of men gaping and grinning at women's breasts in open society.

So what you see is what you get with him. He's 62 years old and there is no magic pill or baseball bat over the head that will get him to wake up and see how inappropriate his behavior is. Remember, he has limited self awareness and at 62 he's not going to change easily or willingly.

Therefore, you need to assess his good points versus his bad points. After you've considered his good points and bad points, given the frustration of this bad behavior, do the good points make it easy enough to stay that you WANT to stay with him? If so, then you need to continually tell yourself that this is part of the baggage he comes with. Everyone comes with some baggage. And this may be his. But if the good points just aren't enough and this is way TOO frustrating after all this time, then you may have to distance yourself from the relationship a bit and prepare to move on.

I wish you the very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

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