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Hello- Thank you for asking the question here at JustAnswer. I have read what you have written and am happy to respond.
I am sorry to hear about this. It sounds as though your wife may have a personality disorder
Read the following information regarding Narcissistic Personality. This type of person always finds fault in others, is extremely controlling and manipulative and has significant trouble in relating to others as they others as wrong while they are always right.
Very difficult to treat as these people see nothing wrong with themselves. You saw this in marriage counseling.
Here is some information on the disorder that will help you understand:
Scroll down the above link for detailed information.
I wish you the best, Bill