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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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My partners daughter is 26yrs old but has never actually been

Customer Question

My partners daughter is 26yrs old but has never actually been diagnosed with aspergers but we are certain that she has it. My partner has only spent the last six yrs with her as she spent all her life close to her mother and and he was away so what not aware there was a problem. her mother did everything for her and she never did anything without her mother. Unfortunately, her mother died suddenly and my partner has just stepped into her shoes without realising the extent of the problem. She does work but only because it is in my partners company but she has no socialising skills and doesn't like, or get on with anyone. She doesn't like going anywhere and just goes to work, comes home and sits on the computer in her dressing gown. She does the same thing every day. The problem we have, is since he met me she is very unhappy with the situation and I cant go round to the house because she has hysterical outburts! She doesn't like my partner to go out anywhere and if she wants to go anywhere, shopping etc he has to go with her. She is obsessed with her cat. She shows no emotions except when angry about me. My partner says that she has no interest whatoever in him or what he has done but talks non stop about herself and that can sometimes be for hours.
Can you please give us some advice? My partner is getting depressed as he feels he has no life anymore. I am certain she has aspergers as I knew someone with a child with it and the behaviour is the same.

Many thanks

Lisa
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 3 years ago.
Hello- Thank you for asking the question here at JustAnswer. I have read what you have written and am happy to respond.
Aspergers Disorder has been increasingly diagnosed in Adults in recent years as it has become more understood. The disorder is in the spectrum of Autism and the level of impairment varies considerably. The disorder is best diagnosed by a psychologist trained in testing people with this disorder.

I am going to give you a couple of links that will provide more information and resources for diagnosis and treatment.

http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/
You will note at the above site on the left is a "locate help and services" menu that provides a list of resources in every state.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/detail_asperger.htm

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=895

I trust that the above will be helpful and you will become Experts on Adult Aspergers!

I wish you the best and trust that this answers your question
Bill

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
We have looked at organisations on line but the problem we have is a 26yr old that is totally unaware she has a problem. How do you deal with that? If my partner suggests going to a psychologist she will totally freak out! We need advice on how to deal with an adult who has absolutely no idea that she has a problem.
We would like to know ways that we can help her to accept me into their home without having a melt down. Are there ways that we can do this this gradually? The frustrating thing is, I think I could be really good for her as I have a lot of patience and could maybe even enrich her life a little bit, if only she would just let me into her world!
Are we correct in thinking that she always needs plenty of warning if something is going happen? When she is rude or demanding, should my partner correct her on her behaviour, because he is always afraid of upsetting her and therefore lets her control him? Its just knowing how to treat her.
Expert:  Bill replied 3 years ago.
What you are dealing with is a Blended Family Triangle. You, your partner and his adult child. This is, as you have experienced a potentially volatile experience.

First, Dad needs to be clear with whom he aligns with as "His partner" This will diffuse the triangle and set clear boundaries. Otherwise, mixed messages will abound.

Establish trust will take time and here are some tips that will help:
http://www.relationshipmatters.com/index.php?/archives/3054-The-challenge-of-being-a-stepparent-to-adult-children.html#extended

I trust that will provide some additional help and support.

I wish you the best, Bill

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