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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3706
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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I would like to ask what do you do if you find out that the

Customer Question

I would like to ask what do you do if you find out that the husband you married lied to you about his personality/wants/beliefs etc, just to get you then the person he is now isn't what you expected! Do you stay and discuss things or do you move on?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 5 years ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question here at JustAnswer. I have read what you have written and am happy to respond.

Bill :

Considering that the foundation of any successful relationship is honesty and trust it is hard to believe that this relationship will change.

Bill :

I have treated couples for 30 years and this type of manipulative behavior represents a character disorder and such types do not change.

Bill :

I would suggest that you find a counselor to sort this out and act accordingly with the knowledge that you have been betrayed .

Bill :

Best, Bill

Expert:  Bill replied 5 years ago.
As you were off line- I have answered above. Best, Bill
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm sorry if this is repeated tried to reply before not sure if it went through! First of all thankyou for your reply however i'm a little confused you said see a counselor what are they going to do that we havn't already tried? We talk he knows I don't trust him as much, he has hurt me, but he seems to think if you love someone those are minor issues and he wants to work on the marriage. IFor me I'm sad and disappointed and not realy feeling this marriage a all, even though he still represents the man I fell in love with, I am not to fond of the one he has turned out to be, however i do take my vows seriously "For better of worse" so being stuck between a rock and a hard place is just making me unhappy. according to your advice there is no point as he is not going to change and I don't really appreciate the man he actually is, or is it me just being mean and i should forgive and forget and try to move this marriage forward?
Expert:  Bill replied 5 years ago.
Pre-marital counseling is very common and it is obvious that there are issues that are not resolved. All of what you write above needs to be sorted through with a trained marriage therapist so that you don't have to start off on the wrong foot. Relationships do take work however, they need not be painful and there seems to be pain here that needs to be resolved.
If there are issues that he doesn't want to talk about i.e. work, that is a signal that there will be more things he puts barriers on down the road.

I wish you the best, Bill

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