Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hi! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.
Your counselor suggested divorce. What do you think of this advice? What makes you NOT want to get a divorce?
You say he is not interested in counseling. If not, how would he change? And if he does not change, are you willing to stay with him?
Has his effect on your son improved? Is it healthy for your son to have this man in his life?
Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.
Let's go forward from the answers to these questions. I see you are offline at this time. I may be away from the computer before you respond. If so, would tomorrow be okay for me to respond?
Thank you for the added information. It helps a lot. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.
First, let me say you are clearly a goodhearted person who wants to find the positive in life and in people. This is very beautiful and very important.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. Your son is a teenager and he is your first responsibility. I am concerned for his development and the effect of your husband's life attitude and stepson's attitude on your son. How you deal with them is going to influence your son's development in important ways.
It is very true that G-d can change people. But how does G-d do this?What is the mechanism that G-d uses? And I think you are a good person and know this in your heart: G-d looks to see if there is a true DESIRE to change so that G-d's goodness can influence and fill the person's heart and he can change. Until then, the person has what the Psalms call a heart of stone. Change becomes a vain hope.
And your husband seems to have indicated that he is not going to change. He has signaled this with a refusal to get help. And you are asking form them to say they are sorry, but this is beyond them.
It is true that every marriage is a work in progress. But there is an important word here: work. The two people have to be willing to do the work.
So I don't know who can shake him into realizing that he's losing someone so valuable in his life. You can send my answer to him but I doubt it will influence him.
I know that it is hard for you to make such a decision. But again, I need you to accept that your heart is already saddened. That you are a strong lady. That G-d is on your side and wants you to take care of your boy he has entrusted in your care.
I wish you the very best!
Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX