Hi, Maggie! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.
Maggie, if we decide that schizoid personality disorder is the most apropos description for your husband or if we decide narcissistic personality disorder is the most fitting, will you still be in the same situation?
Is your question that you are becoming unable to handle the difficulties of being with him?
You've managed for 21 years, are you ready to make an ultimatum for him to back off on this project or you will leave?
What other options might you consider?
Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.
Let's go forward from the answers to these questions. I see you are offline at this time. I may be away from the computer before you respond. If so, would tomorrow (US time) be okay for me to respond?
I do not feel this is a satisfactory answer- too one dimensional. When I initially said I had reason to believe my husband had traits of a Schizoid individual I meant it :often he is emotionally detached and somewhat socially inept and at times oblivious to certain social cues, has an extraordinary intellect yet is always at a loss as to what to write on ,say, a birthday card ---- the list goes on .He has never appeared self-centered or full of grandiose plans.So thanks but no thanks - I shall muddle on .No more advice please.