Hi, Maggie! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.
Maggie, if we decide that schizoid personality disorder is the most apropos description for your husband or if we decide narcissistic personality disorder is the most fitting, will you still be in the same situation?
Is your question that you are becoming unable to handle the difficulties of being with him?
You've managed for 21 years, are you ready to make an ultimatum for him to back off on this project or you will leave?
What other options might you consider?
Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.
Let's go forward from the answers to these questions.
I see you are offline at this time. I may be away from the computer before you respond. If so, would tomorrow (US time) be okay for me to respond?