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Kristin
Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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My 55 year old boyfriend started urinating in his pants when

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My 55 year old boyfriend started urinating in his pants when he was about 10 years. It was preasurable and he has continuted it. We are engaged to be married and he doesn't want to stop it because it feels warm and wet. He wears some kind of protective clothing so he can do it anytime. Have you ever heard of this? Any information you can give me would be appreciated. I am the only person he has ever shared this information with.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

 

Do you know what triggered him to start doing this, at 10 years of age? didn't his parents do anything to help him with this over the years?

How do you feel about it? And when did he tell you about this? Other than this, does he seem well adjusted?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I would have to ask him why he started it. He just said he did it and it felt good. He never told anyone, especially his parents. He didn't want any help getting over it, even now because it feels so good to him. I just started dating him about 3 weeks ago and he said he had to tell me because we are talking about marriage and he trusted me and knew that he couldn't marry me if I didn't know. He told me that he was weird and he wasn't worthy of me and I could leave. He feels I would not put up with this if we married. He said this was the reason he has never married before. I told him I would still marry him and told him it wouldn't bother me, but I don't understand it. He has a home in the middle of 80 acres of land and he won't let anyone enter his house. He is an extremely private person. He has a huge auto mechanic garage next to the house and people can visit him there. I haven't seen the inside of his house yet. He grew up as a farmer, has a few close male friends and has had a few girl friends over the years. He has a twin sister and when they celebrated their 10th birthday, he stayed in his bedroom and his sister enjoyed the celebration. His parents are now deceased and he has 2 brothers and 2 sisters and is close only with his twin who is labeled bipolor. He had tears when he told me about his first girlfriend who cheated on him and his twin sister's illness. I will see him today and can ask him any questions that would be helpful. I promised him I would never tell anyone his secret but since you don't know him, I felt it was O.K. He became a Christian 3 years ago and wants to follow the Bible.He is willing to help anyone that needs help in any way and said he only wants to make me happy. I love him and will be there for him no matter what, but don't understand this and have never heard of it before.
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.
Okay thank you for the additional information. Please stand by and I can give you some insight into this and also some questions to ask him about it as well....just one moment please.
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for waiting.

There are adults who still do urinate in their pants for various reasons. For some it started as a comfort or coping mechanism in childhood (like your boyfriend) and since he never told anyone, or tried to stop he continued this behavior. And now after all of these decades, it has become a way of life.

 

I would ask him, if the wetting is in any way, related to erotic or sexual pleasure for him? If so, this could be part of a sexual fetish, called infantilism. It's not pedophilia! But these people find pleasure sexually through wearing diapers, urinating in their pants, etc. things young children would do. You want to ask him if it's sexual behaviors, or if he does it purely because it is an emotional comfort for him, not linked to sexual pleasure.

 

Also, you do need to see the inside of his home! If you are discussing marriage with this man, there is still alot to learn and uncover and seeing his home is a must!

 

Ask him to see his home, next time you are together. Finally and I would advise this to anyone, take your time in really getting to know one another and seeing if you are compatible. Then you can decide about marriage, etc. But there is no need to rush these things at all.... it's good that he shared this with you and so soon into the relationship. That means he will probably be honest about whatever you do ask him, and that he's open to you knowing him. Best wishes. Please click ACCEPT button for this answer, otherwise I'm not credited for my help today.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX anxious for your response. -- Lorraine

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Hi again,

maybe you didn't see my answer but i did already send it to you. here it is again:

Please click ACCEPT after reading it. Thanks!

There are adults who still do urinate in their pants for various reasons. For some it started as a comfort or coping mechanism in childhood (like your boyfriend) and since he never told anyone, or tried to stop he continued this behavior. And now after all of these decades, it has become a way of life.

 

I would ask him, if the wetting is in any way, related to erotic or sexual pleasure for him? If so, this could be part of a sexual fetish, called infantilism. It's not pedophilia! But these people find pleasure sexually through wearing diapers, urinating in their pants, etc. things young children would do. You want to ask him if it's sexual behaviors, or if he does it purely because it is an emotional comfort for him, not linked to sexual pleasure.

 

Also, you do need to see the inside of his home! If you are discussing marriage with this man, there is still alot to learn and uncover and seeing his home is a must!

 

Ask him to see his home, next time you are together. Finally and I would advise this to anyone, take your time in really getting to know one another and seeing if you are compatible. Then you can decide about marriage, etc. But there is no need to rush these things at all.... it's good that he shared this with you and so soon into the relationship. That means he will probably be honest about whatever you do ask him, and that he's open to you knowing him. Best wishes. Please click ACCEPT button for this answer, otherwise I'm not credited for my help today.

 

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I appreciate your your answer, blessings to you. -- Lorraine
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.
Thank you... please though click on the green ACCEPT button at bottom of page, so I'm paid for my time today.
Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience: Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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