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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3706
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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My ex-boyfriend from high school contacted me after 40 years.

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My ex-boyfriend from high school contacted me after 40 years. He said he had been thinking about me all those years. This past year we have stayed in contact by phone and email and he started to take it to a different level. We saw each other and are still attracted to each other so I thought why not. We began making plans to see each other more often. I have been divorced for 15 years and he has been separated for 9 and divorced for 4. We both have adult children ages 30+. He said his wife divorced him after 25 years of an unsatisfying marriage. He said he completely fell apart when she did so as she filed when he was in rehab for addiction to prescription drugs due to previous surgery he had years ago. He doesn't take pain medication any longer. During their marraige he said they were in church related counceling for years. Both of them being born again Christians they did not believe in divorce. He said for the 25 years he was married he was not being authentic. After his divorce he went into private therapy and learned that the relationship was toxic for them as they are just so different. He said it was discovered in therapy that he had a attachment disorder? To make a long story short he really convinced me that we might have a chance to develope a relationship. A week ago we were planning a trip to Mexico. When I had previously asked about their relationship he said his ex-wife saw his page on facebook and realized she had been waiting for him to change the past nine years and never did anything to help herself to help herself .  She said she thought she was having a breakdown.. A week later he writes they are going on a trip for two weeks to see if they can make their marraige work a second time. He said she was never able to move on and now in her broken state they may have a chance to work things out. I realize he has been waiting for 9 years for her to come back. I am angry at myself for thinking this could go anywhere. What is an attachment dis-order?  
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 5 years ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question here at JustAnswer. I have read what you have written and am happy to respond.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this.......for you. However, after working with couples for 30 years- this is a blessing in disguise for you as from what you write, he would not have been a good partner. Too much baggage......and I bet you were just scratching the surface.

Bill :

He was probably referring to reactive attachment disorder which is a condition where a child does not effectively bond with a primary parent or caregiver. Therefore, in later life they lack an ability to experience closeness and attachment with others. They also lack the capacity to maintain a meaningful intimate relationship.

Bill :

This will give you more detail on the issue:

Bill :

I trust that this answers your question.....and wish you the best. Again, this is probably a blessing in disguise.

Bill :

Best, Bill

Bill :

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Expert:  Bill replied 5 years ago.
I have answered above. Feel free to reply if needed. Best, BIll
PLEASE CLICK ACCEPT

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