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Kristin
Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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My boyfriend recently told me that he has had gay sex in the

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My boyfriend recently told me that he has had gay sex in the past. He is an educated, romantic, seemingly straight Doctor. He has always pursued girls and has had many girlfriends. He has issues with impotency bc of medication and says that was partly why he turned to men. He says its bc when he was depressed about that he was self destructive.
What do think I should do? Is he gay?

Thank you for your question.

It's not typical to turn to men, due to a depression or even feeling self-destructive. How much sex did he have with men? Was it just one time, several times, and how long of time did this span?

Does he say that he is attracted to men too? How did this topic come up, as in what prompted him to tell you this?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He is not attracted to men. Doesn't really have any close male friends.
He had an abusive father, mental and verbal. and a very controlling mother.

He met men on craigslist every three months for a few years. He said he felt like he needed to be punished. and hurt... he takes medicine for his hair and makes his loose his erection. so he said he was tired of being rejected by women (btw, he is a very good looking guy)

Okay, I can understand your concerns around this. What is concerning in addition to his sexual orientation is that he indulged in these risky behaviors and felt like he needed to be punished and hurt.

I would think that this may have more to do with his abusive background, rather than being rejected by women. Someone would not seek out punishment and pain simply because they were losing an erection, due to a medication, and/or being rejected by women. I would wonder more about this desire to be punished and hurt and if he is completely over that now. Also someone can feel like they are not romantically attracted to men, but may feel like acting out sexually with men (as he did) to deal with unwanted emotions.

If I was in your shoes, I would want to seek out some counseling with him (together as a couple) to discuss this more, so that he has the insight he really needs to understand what happened, and for you to feel assured that it won't happen again. Doing this for a few years (as he did) is quite a long time, and he needs to have full understanding around these behaviors. The best thing to do is seek counseling with a therapist in your area, and go together. This needs to be discusses and looked at closer. And its very possible that he is not gay, but felt he could only act out sexually in this way, with men. Please click ACCEPT button for this information. Thank you,

Kristin and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
If you need help in locating a therapist, let me know which area you live in and I can assist you with that as well.
Kristin and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I would -- I live in ALbany NY

He is a 31 year old man. And this came up because he snooped through my e-mail and I asked to see his, and he wouldnt -- so then he confessed. Last incident was 2 months before we met.

I want to help him but I don't know what to do? feeling so lost.
Thank you for your help

Okay, here is the directory of therapists in your area. You can search here by specialty such as couples issues, or sex therapy, etc.

I wish you the best. The best way to help him is go to counseling, and go together so you can understand this too.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?sid=1298594605.8107_1747&city=Albany&county=Albany&state=New+York&spec=17&lmore=2

Best wishes...

Kristin