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Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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Is it O.K. to write a letter to my boyfriends daughter (hes

Resolved Question:

Is it O.K. to write a letter to my boyfriends daughter (he's 50, she's 28) to tell her my feelings about the impact she is having on her Dad regarding her current Drama? Her Dad and I have been together for 5 years, along with his adult daughters constant drama. She's a drug addict, drug of choice, xanax She's never held a job for more than 2 weeks. Her grandmother & father have been bailing her out of trouble since she was 13 years old. Current Drama: Paige asked her Dad for $2,000.00 dollars to attend a Technical School to become a pharmacy technician. She was doing her clinicals (working at Walgreens Drugstore). On February 9, 2011 we received a call from Paige stating that she had been arrested for stealing xanax from Walgreens and her boyfriend posted bail for her. Now she's calling her Dad & asking for money for her fines & an attorney. The stress is effecting her Dad mentally, physically, and his work is being effected as well.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH replied 5 years ago.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

Hello,

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

Thank you for using Justanswer.com

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

It is okay to write a letter to her but I would suggest keeping the following in mind.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

If she is a drug addict she is probably feeling enough shame and guilt for everyone in the family. Drug addicts are driven to use no matter what the consequences. i.e. stealing from a pharmacy.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

I believe if you write a letter it should be to offer her assistance with finding a drug rehab program and also telling her anything you are no longer willing to do to support her addiction. Trying to tell her how badly she is hurting her father will probably fall on deaf ears right now

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

I'm not sure if you are still here, the screen says you are typing. Just checking?

Customer:

I'm here! She's in Louisiana right now (where we're from) and we're in Pennsylvania due to her father's work. Expected to be here for another 4 months. We both want her to get in rehab, but we're not down there to make sure she does and to help her. Her

Customer:

As usual, when she needs the money, we're not there, and she will get her way once again.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

I would tell her that she has to enroll in rehab and that the counselors need to confirm she is in treatment before you can pay for fines and the attorney.

Customer:

That's really good advice, hadn't thought of that. But what if she refuses to go?

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

Don't pay for anything if she doesn't go.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

it would just be enabling if either of you do pay.

Customer:

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX is truly appreciated. Hope you have a great day!

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

You too

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