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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5451
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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From the ages of 7 to 12, my father would lay in his bed in

Resolved Question:

From the ages of 7 to 12, my father would lay in his bed in his under pants only and ask me to massage him. I would sit and lay on top of him while I massaged him. He never asked me to touch him in inappropriate places and he never touched me, however I would become sexually aroused and feel guilty afterwards. Was this sexual abuse?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

Yes, that was sexual abuse. Anytime a parent or another adult asks you to touch them in order to bring them pleasure, it is sexual abuse. There is no reason that you, as a child, needed to be providing that kind of touch or intimacy to an adult.

 

Anytime a child is used in this manner, it can affect that child by causing confusion, strong feelings and hurt. Sexual abuse can range from emotional to touch to intercourse and rape. Adults who abuse rely on the trust and dependency of the child to perpetrate the abuse. Kids are taught that adults are the authorities and are not to be questioned.

 

As an adult survivor of abuse, the effects of being abused can range from depression, low self esteem, anxiety, drug and alcohol use and anger. Some survivors feel suicidal.

 

If you feel that the abuse has affected your life in such a way that you are bothered or have trouble with daily living, seek out therapy. You can talk with your doctor about a referral or if you attend church, your pastor can help. You can also search on line at http://www.find-a-therapist.com/.

 

There are also support groups on line as well as in person. Here are a few you can link to:

http://www.aftersilence.org/

http://www.ascasupport.org/

 

Here are some books that may help you get started. One is called Hush: Moving From Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse by Nicole Braddock Bromley and another is The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by XXXXX XXXXX. You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them available.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Was it abuse even though I never touched him in intimate places? He was in his under pants and I massaged his chest, back, legs and arms. This happened on several occasions.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Yes, it still is abuse. Even if you did not touch him in intimate places, the skin is considered a sexual part of the body. Think of touching during a regular sexual encounter. Most touching is on the skin.

 

Plus, an adult should not be asking a child to touch them in this manner. It is inappropriate. An adult should be asking another adult to do this type of touching. An adult involving a child for their own pleasure is wrong.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5451
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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