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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5525
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi. My name is T and i tend to be an overly emotional person

Resolved Question:

Hi. My name is XXXXX XXXXX i tend to be an overly emotional person and it is ruining my marriage. my feelings get hurt real easily and i tend to shut down and not want to talk. how i'm feeling is shown all over my face so there is no hiding it. my husband tends to get really frustrated with this to the point we are arguing not about what actually upset me but for the fact that i was feeling some type of way or act like a cry baby. what can i do to over come this? is it really me having an mental issue?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like you may have some self esteem issues. Is there any abuse in your background? This could also be a cause. Sometimes, people who were abused as children develop an oversensitivity because of the strong emotions involved with abuse.

 

Self esteem issues can be dealt with relatively easily. You can try working on it yourself and see if you are happy with your progress. Here are some steps you can take-

One, identify when you feel most sensitive and upset. What is going on for you? What about the situation upsets you most?

Two, pay attention to what you are thinking and feeling. Identify the thoughts and feelings. Write them down. See if you can see a pattern.

Three, once you know what feelings and thoughts come up for you and when, work on changing how you react. So for example, when someone says something that hurts you, stop, identify what you feel, then practice letting that person know you feel hurt. Use a calm voice and tone. Say how you feel in a simple sentence or two. Then stop and let the other person respond. Know when you have a very strong reaction to someone that the feeling is about you and how you feel, and not necessarily about what is being said.

 

Take a deep breath when dealing with your feelings. Repeat it to yourself often- "Relax, deep breath, it's ok."

 

Be aware of what you were taught as a child about yourself and what you continue to believe. If you were always told that your opinions and thoughts were not worth anything, then identify that feeling now when you feel upset.

 

Learn to pinpoint when you start to get upset and if needed remove yourself from the area until you calm down. Then go back in a deal with it.

 

If you feel that making progress on your own is too difficult or you feel it is not effective, then seek out a therapist. Ask your doctor for a referral or if you attend church, your pastor can help. You can also search on line at http://www.find-a-therapist.com/.

 

There is also a book that may help as well. It is called The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World (Step-By-Step Guides) - by Ted Zeff and Elaine N. Aron. It is available at Amazon.com or your local library may have a copy.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

thank you for your help. Well, in my past there was alot of neglect by my mom... she started having kids at a young age so when my 5th oldest sister and i were old enough to take care of ourselves she pretty much did her own thing. so we really didn't have a mom to actually be there for us when we needed someone to talk to or spend time with us,etc.

as for my marriage, my husband has been at times verbally abusive when we get into arguements. Alot of name calling and put downs which have caused me to have self esteem issues, not feeling worth much to him. i really love him though..he alway seems to tell me that i need to get help and work on me then we can work on him. I guess you can say that i'm in a borderline abusive relationship?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Yes, anytime you feel abused, whether it is emotional, verbal or physical it is important to identify it as abuse. People often think that if you can't see the bruises it's not abuse. It is, especially if you feel put down and made to feel less important than others.

 

It sounds like marital therapy may be a excellent idea. The communication has broken down and now it's just hurting you. Therapy can help you both learn how to work together instead of against each other.

 

Here is a very good site that can help you deal with the emotional and verbal abuse:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Your husband needs to acknowledge the abuse and stop.

 

If at any time you feel that the abuse is too much or that it escalates, leave immediately. No love is worth getting hurt like that.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5525
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Mental Health Professional
5525 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.