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Luann
Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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My Daughter is 24 yrs old and has 2 small children who she

Resolved Question:

My Daughter is 24 yrs old and has 2 small children who she uses against me to get what she wants or to punish me. This daughter has stolen from me, lies continuously against me and even blames me for leaving her husband. It is always something. My son never calls or comes to see me. My Mother conspires with my children. I just want to leave and never come back. I am a Registered Nurse and I am taking an assigment in another state to put some distance between us for a while. What do you suggest that I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Luann replied 6 years ago.

Luann :

Hello

Customer:

Hello, how are you?

Luann :

I think you are wise to seek some distance in your relationships with your children. You should not put up with abusive behavior. Realize that physical distance is one thing and emotional distance is another thing. Even being a distance away you will probably feel distressed at times. I encourage you to work on yourself and work on separating from your children. Perhaps some individual therapy would be helpful to you in doing this. Read some books on codependency. Melody Beattie has done quite abit of writing on this subject, "The language of letting go", "Codependent no more" are classics.

Luann :

Work on detaching from your children and creating a healthier, more adult relationship. In doing that, don't ignore them, but keep doing the things you would do to keep in touch, with boundaries.

Customer:

how do you keep in touch with boundaries. What does that mean?

Luann :

Good question. Instead of calling them where you might get hooked in, send an e-mail or a card just to say hi. Let them know you are still there for them, but distance yourself from situations where you will get hooked into their stuff or where it might become abusive.

Customer:

Have you had patients before who have left their family behind. I know that sounds terrible but, she has done so many terrible things that I feel that is the only ways I can protect myself.

Luann :

I encourage you to get into counseling where you can process the hurt you feel and be in a better position to make decisions. You need to protect yourself, but also not regret any choices you make.

Customer:

That sounds like a good plan. Maybe they will be able to help me to learn to cope better with my situation. Thanks a lot.

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