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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am a married, 32 yr. old, stay at home mom of a 1 yr. old. Our son was a 23 week pr

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I am a married, 32 yr. old, stay at home mom of a 1 yr. old. Our son was a 23 week premie who spent 101 days in the hospital. We planned having our son, but it was such a rough, emotional start. I used to work as an elementary school teacher, I played professional soccer in Europe and at Div. I here in the states so I have a very strong personality. My husband is a lawyer, very intelligent and very literal. My husband says ever since I've stayed home, I'm negative, grumpy, etc. I feel the same about him. He doesn't appreciate how hard being a full time mom is. Our relationship has dwindled to constant arguing, miscommunication and complete negativity. I have finally convinced my husband to seek counseling with me but living in Wichita, KS, I am afraid to find a therapist through trial and error. I'm afraid if it is a bad experience he will never go again. Any advice??? Please, I know we love each other, we just can't communicate it. We need help, NOW or I'm afraid a potentially great f

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It sounds like there is communication going on between the two of you, but the messages getting across are damaging and not beneficial to the two of you.


From what you said, your husband is a very straight forward type of personality. Logical and to the point, from what I understand. You, on the other hand, feel you are more emotional and that part of this is from your experience staying home with your son, creating a different perspective for you.


Both of you would benefit from moving closer to one another in your communication styles. Understanding one another and being more empathic towards each other would go a long way to help you both communicate better.


There are some great resources that can help. One is called The Five Languages of Love. You can find it on line at It is a program that helps you learn the communication style of your partner and how to better understand each other.


You also need to talk with a therapist. Talk with your doctor about a referral or if you attend church, your pastor can help. Pastors are often good marital therapists or they know of good therapist because of the number of marital issues they deal with on a day to day basis. Also, you can search on line at and There is also a good site on how to find a good therapist at


There are also some great books to help get you started. One is called Communication: Key to Your Marriage: A Practical Guide to Creating a Happy, Fulfilling Relationship by H. Norman Wright. Another is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver. You can find these on or your local library may have them available.


I hope this has helped you,


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