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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I need help with my phobias. My phobias are flying, heights, storms, being alone ov

Customer Question

I need help with my phobias.
My phobias are flying, heights, storms, being alone overnight and the big one is death. I can't relax. Any suggestions?
When I was a child, my mother would say I can't take it anymore because us kids were acting up. I thought she was going to die because of what I did. That was the worst pain I've ever experienced.
My dad committed suicide when I was 17.
My older brother committed incest on me, sometimes it was with his friends and I was passed around. When I got old enough to realize that I could get pregnant I decided that I would commit suicide if I got pregnant. There was no other way out. I am a mess.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It sounds like you have been through a lot of trauma. Abuse of any kind can cause phobias because of the level of fear you must deal with and because of the threat of death. Young children do not have the capacity that adults do to understand traumatic events. They cannot process trauma the same way as adults and some end up developing fears. Others develop drug and alcohol abuse and still others develop personality issues as a result. You may also have PTSD from your childhood abuse and not have had the opportunity to have it diagnosed and treated.


Phobias are highly curable and all it takes is the right treatment. Seek out a therapist with experience in phobias and who uses Cognative Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This is a commonly known treatment that is short term and behaviorally focused. It helps you learn to change your thinking so it affects how you react. For example, you fear bridges. Instead of associating your fear with the bridge, CBT helps you learn to associate bridges with more pleasant relaxing thoughts.


You can also try Lucinda Bassett's program from the Midwest Center for Anxiety and Stress Her program is a bit expensive, but if your library has it or you can buy it off line, it is worth it. She also has several great books on anxiety and fears.


Another great resource is Edmund Bourne's Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. It is a wonderful resource full of good information on how to overcome your fears.


Remember that you are not alone. Many people experience trauma and develop phobias as a result. There is a lot of help out there and sometimes it is just a matter of finding the right fit for you. A good therapist can help you overcome your fears and live a fuller life. Try asking your doctor for a referral or if you attend church, your pastor can help. Also, try on line at


I hope this has helped you,




Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

I haven't heard from you and wondered if you had any more questions or needed anything clarified.



TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for info, but maybe I am too old to fix this.
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

At your age, I don't believe that. Sixty is very young and you still have plenty of time to address this problem. Give some of those resources a try. Go slow, see where it leads you. It can't hurt and most likely will make you feel better. Discouragement is easy. Don't take that road. Keep trying.



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