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Luann
Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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Daughters future mother in law doesnt like her and is manipulating

Resolved Question:

Daughters future mother in law doesn't like her (doesn't say why) and is manipulating her son to break engagement. She is very controlling. How do I help my daughteraend future son in law. He is his mothers favorite but he is 24, out of college and working. My daughter has 2 years to go in college and they plan to wed then, meanwhile this woman is using facebook to mount a campaign against my daughter. Please help and thankyou.  V.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Luann replied 3 years ago.

Luann :

Hello, this sounds like a very distressing situation.

Luann :

First, you need to accept that there is nothing you can do to change your daughter's future mother in law. You can help your daughter realize and accept this too.

Luann :

The biggest thing you can do for your daughter and her fiance is to acknowledge their feelings so they don't feel crazy, be supportive, but don't give advice and model how to cope.

Customer :

Yes, I understand that. She is trying to get her son to call off the engagement and move home

Luann :

Her son will hopefully think for himself. If he can not, better that your daughter knows now.

Customer :

I thought they should go to her and tell her that all the things she has been doing is hurtfull to my daughter and they plan to continue living together and marry in two years. Yes, if he is a mommas boy, its better known now

Customer :

Also, what do we do about the sly inuendo she posts on facebook for her family/friends to read

Luann :

I think it would be best for the son to deal with his mother. He needs to show his mother that he is man who thinks for himself. In regards XXXXX XXXXX it may be best if you stop being "friends" with her or at least hide her comments from your wall. You can't stop what she is doing, but you can stop it from affecting you. Family and friends have probably seen this type of behavior before and do not totally believe everything she says. If they are worth having in your life they will judge you and your daughter for how they know you, not what this woman tells them about you.

Customer :

What do you think of them going to see the mother and him telling her that her behaviour is hurtfull. My daughter understands that he should do the talking, but they want her to stop the nasty phone calls and texts.

Luann :

I think it would be best for the son to go alone and speak with his mother directly. She would be less defensive this way.

Luann :

It would also send a clear message from the son that your daughter is important to him and worth sticking up for.

Customer :

Okay, I am worried about him, he is a nice sweet innocent kid and his Mother is vengefull controlling and used to getting her own way. I hope he has the strength, he has never stood up to her before,

Customer :

Thank you for your help

Luann :

This will be a big turning point for him but if his marriage is going to last he needs to do this. Be supportive and understanding of how hard this is for him.

Luann :

Coach your daughter to be supportive too. She may not fully realize how hard this is for him.

Customer :

Yes,she has been very supportive. He wants her to go talk to his mother and make everything ok. She has told him that that is what he needs to do. His family is very close and no one crosses her.

Luann :

Sending her to talk to his mother would be a disaster. It would just give the mother in law more reason to not like your daughter. It would make your daughter look like she is controlling. This boy needs to realize that things might not be OK for awhile but they have a chance of being better if he talks to his mother directly and re-establishes their relationship. He can not let her continue to control his life.

Customer :

That all makes sence. He is a sweet kid and I think hes afraid of her. He and my daughter live two hours away from her so that helps. I'm just trying to be a soft spot for them to fall into. Thank you again for your input.

Luann :

Keep being a soft spot! Good luck to all of you.

Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience: Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
Luann and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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