Thank you for the the additional information.
I understand how hard your situation is. It sounds like your family was and still is a very toxic influence on you. I fully second your plan of not seeing them after the family matters have been sorted out.
But how do you deal with the current situation? I would recommend a few different things. First of all, if this is a case where you are not effectively communicating your side, or you are not adequately able to stand up for yourself, convey your feelings at their behavior/comments or negotiate a better deal for yourself - then a very helpful resource for you would be "When I say no, I feel guilty". Don't let the title mislead you - it is essentially a short handbook filled with very effective strategies and techniques to assertively stand up for your views and negotiate your way through any given situation. You can find the book here
Second, it sounds to me like over the years you've developed these feelings of fear, anger, stress
, dread, frustration towards your family members, not to mention the feeling of being treated unjustly and unfairly. It is important therefore, to work with a professional to process these feelings as otherwise, as you must already know, if left unprocessed these feelings can run in your head over and over, like a broken record. A cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT) would be best equipped to help you not just identify the feelings but also find ways to process them and deal with them so that they do not interfere with your normal life.
Third, clearly you have a lot of past history that is painful and hard to get over. But also, as you already know, holding on to toxic memories of the past is not the most healthy thing to do as like holding onto acid, it can burn you in the process. I understand though that these are very very painful memories. And that is why, I want to recommend a unique approach to healing past pain through a meditation
method called mindfulness meditation. In the last decade or so this method has helped hundreds of thousands of people. You can find more information about it here
I hope I have been able to provide some direction.
Please do feel free to write back any questions/thoughts and I will be happy to answer.