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Luann
Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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My husband touched my sons girlfriend in a sexual manner and area. Then he gave

Resolved Question:

My husband touched my son's girlfriend in a sexual manner and area. Then he gave her a vibrater for Christmas. I feel defiled more that it was his son's girlfriend who trusted us and lived in our house than the act itself. I am devasted and not sure I want to keep on living with him. I know as a Christian I must forgive him, but not sure I want to stay with him. My husband says that instead of him going to counseling we need to go to marriage counseling. My other son blames the girl and has a strained relationship now with me and his brother and of course the girl. They got married now rather than waiting until June because she has a 2 yr old son by prior marriage and she could not live with him with son and custody agreement. I get nauseous when I come home from work or when I wake up.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Luann replied 5 years ago.

Luann :

Hello

JACUSTOMER-85swcuro- :

Hi

Luann :

You are right to be distressed by your husband's behavior. It is very inappropriate. I can understand your desire to forgive him, but that does not mean that you have to accept his behavior. Sometimes we have to forgive and move on. You are so immersed in the situation that it is difficult for you to think straight. You are probably so overwhelmed with different feelings that you are very confused.

JACUSTOMER-85swcuro- :

I am very confused. I want to leave but financially I cannot. I think I do need to clear my head but cannot do so living in the same house with him. BUT I cannot afford to take time off work right now.

Luann :

I encourage you to get involved in therapy. Find a therapist that you feel comfortable working with. You need some time to process your feelings and build some emotional strength. Therapy will help you do this.

JACUSTOMER-85swcuro- :

But should this be marriage counseling or individually just me. He is the one with the sexual perversion which has been happening for a while. Porn sites, etc. I told him last July I was not happy with his actions and wanted him to change.

Luann :

I think you should seek counseling just for yourself right now. Stop focusing on him and the marriage. Focus on you for awhile. It will become clear if marriage counseling will be helpful. He may need to do some individual therapy himself before marriage counseling would be helpful.

JACUSTOMER-85swcuro- :

Okay I will. Thanks. I think I need to learn to take care of myself for a change and not worry about other people.

Luann :

Absolutely! The best of luck to you.

JACUSTOMER-85swcuro- :

Thanks.

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