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mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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when to leave a controlling, manipulative,passive aggressive boyfriend been in commi

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when to leave a controlling, manipulative,passive aggressive boyfriend? been in committed relationship for 14 months of being together every single day and night. I am 42, hes 48. He is constantly "double checking" what I do, where I go, who I am with. Sneaks and looks through my phone, has followed me. I have never lied or cheated on him yet he has intentionally been deceitful with me and has done things that I have told him i wasnt comfortable with. He fits the criteria for passive aggressive and does a lot of what I call "circle talk". He is faithful, yet I am uncomfortable with some of his past (hookers). He is good to me and good with my children and I love him but I dont know if its worth it or if I should move on. He considers himself "resourceful" and says that I am a great "resource". He owns his own gym but is financially irresponsible and I am not really comfortable with my partner training women all day. I am told I am beautiful and stay in great shape yet I'm terrified I w

mindhealer :

Good afternoon. I am online and would be happy to help you. Please let me know when you are back online and we can discuss this further. Thank you for the chance to help

mindhealer :

Hello. I would be happy to help in any way I can

mindhealer :

Would you mind very much if I asked a couple questions to gain a better understanding?

JACUSTOMER-t2ltyw9i- :

hi! Sorry, trying to figure out the site :) yes, ask away!

mindhealer :

no problem at all

mindhealer :

Thank you

mindhealer :

Based on what you've identified your boyfriend definitely presents as passive-aggressive and almost presents as disrespectful toward you given him checking your phone, etc. May I ask why you continue to stay with him?

JACUSTOMER-t2ltyw9i- :

Good question. I just keep getting sucked back in and listening to him. I believe he really loves me but have started to feel I am bearing the cross of his issues.

mindhealer :

I can certainly appreciate what you've mentioned...though my impression is that he is quite insecure and looks for attention from anyone he can find. This is far from healthy and well adjusted. The bad part is....if I'm not mistaken he doesn't recognize this at all

JACUSTOMER-t2ltyw9i- :

He does take responsibilty for being PA, but I have told him I feel he needs external validation (other than our relationship) and he says he used to but not anymore. I pride myself in giving my all in a relationship and being a good wife/mother, which is how we have been living, basically as a married couple. I guess I just need to let it be over. He will be so persistent to the point of almost stalking me, so I know he will not et go easily. I asked him to respect my boundaries and not communicate with me. So I guess this is the right decision? Any other tips or good ideas? I keep going back because I miss being a family.

mindhealer :

I can certainly understand missing having a family life....but I think you need to ask yourself....what is the cost of having this with him? If this persists he will undoubtedly bring you back to a depression and it sounds you're very well adjusted and know what it is you want from life

JACUSTOMER-t2ltyw9i- :

I have worked very hard on healing and personal growth, and I told him yesterday I felt this cycle is unhealthy if not detrimental to me personally. I do have a peace that although I love him, he is not a good choice in the long run. Guess I need to work some more on me. It will be hard because I know he is going to be persistent, he even suggested last night that we go to couples counseling once a week and he would go individually once a week for a month and if I was happy with the progress then we could "date" each other. I guess just another ploy. It sounds like I already know all my own answers, why cant I just do it??????

mindhealer :

May I ask...have you spoken to your therapist about separating from him?

mindhealer :

I think your hesitation comes from a couple of different places. One is based on not wanting to "start over" and the second is that there is a tiny part of you that wants to believe that he really will change when in all honestly and actuality he may for a week or two but he will go right back to how he was before

JACUSTOMER-t2ltyw9i- :

Yes, yesterday my psychiatrist (see her for my anxiety med, and she started me a month ago on a low dose XR adderal- which has been incredibly helpful). She said basically what you've said and that she thinks I am doing fantastic and making a really good healthy choice. Thank you for the confirmation and reinforcement, I appreciate it. Love this concept, can I request you in the future? Hope you have a super weekend! Thanks, Krissy

mindhealer :

Absolutely you can. You can simply ask for me personally when you write out a question...it will give you that option when you type in a question and will ask if this is for a specific expert and you can put me in there

JACUSTOMER-t2ltyw9i- :

You are so right and thats how it always goes. You have been very helpful and I will be back for sure! I am a sponge for improvement! Take care. (p.s. Im originally from maryland) :)

mindhealer :

Im very happy that I was able to help you. If there is nothing further you can end the chat by clicking the ACCEPT button. I wish you the very best. I'm sure you'll do well in all your endeavers

mindhealer :

Take Care as well. I love Maryland :)

JACUSTOMER-t2ltyw9i- :

I will. Thank you.

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