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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have a problem with my husbands behavior around other women.

Resolved Question:

I have a problem with my husband's behavior around other women. Basically, I feel invisible; if there are other women around, THEY are the ones getting his attention. Wherever we are, he "scans" (his word!) the room the whole time & virtually ignores me! I also hate that he is not at all affectionate with me - and I do mean not at all - yet becomes "Mr. touchy-feely" with other women.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

From what you said, it sounds like your husband has little insight into how his behavior affects you. The basis of a marriage, and the most important building block, is trust. And your husband is giving you little reason to trust him right now.

 

I highly recommend you both attend therapy. Considering that he is not willing to listen to your feelings right now, he may refuse to go. Tell him that you are very unhappy with your marriage and that you want to work on making it better. If he still refuses, go without him. You need to decide how you want to handle this situation.

 

You have two choices here. You can stay in the marriage, attempt to work on it and see if he will try with you, or two, you can consider a separation. Divorce is also an option, but consider that as a last resort. You can try a separation first to see if that helps the situation.

 

This is a tough problem and it can affect your self esteem. Try to do things that help you feel better about yourself. Go out with friends, get a manicure, see a movie, buy a new outfit, anything that helps you feel better about yourself. Talk with trusted friends and family about how you feel. You need support right now and a chance to vent.

 

There are some books that can help as well. One is called Men Who Can't be Faithful: Build a Better, More Intimate Relationship-Based on New Trust by Carol Botwin. Another is Broken Promises, Mended Hearts : Maintaining Trust in Love Relationships by Joel D. Block. And Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage by Lee Raffel. Also, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum. You can find these on Amazon.com or your local library may have them available.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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