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Luann
Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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I am currently working with a psychologist. I have depression

Customer Question

I am currently working with a psychologist. I have depression and a history of early sexual abuse. It is so hard--feels impossible-- to say out loud what was done to my body. I know I have to talk about it but I just go blank. I know it wasn't my fault, but I am still so ashamed because I don't even feel human--as if the things that happened turned me into a monster and I can't bear someone seeing how disgusting I am. It has made a wreck out of my life, years and years of hiding away, feeling like it would be better to die than to be exposed.
But this therapist has given me hope that it might be different. I want to trust him. I want to believe I could be ok, but I just can't say it out loud, can't even write it down. What else could I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Luann replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

I am so glad to hear you are working with a psychologist that you like and trust! That is the most important thing. Don't worry about talking about the abuse, when you are ready you will do it. Maybe you won't ever talk about everything. That is OK, you can still heal and move on with your life. The important thing is that you keep working with your psychologist and keep working towards feeling better. You deserve to feel good about yourself!

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
It's a serious question. I would be willing to pay for a serious answer.
Expert:  Luann replied 5 years ago.

I am serious. You know the abuse was not your fault, you are not a monster but your feelings of shame are real. You need to focus on getting rid of the shame and reducing your symptoms of depression. You need to work on a stronger self-esteem. Doing these things will prepare you for digging deeper with the abuse. You can not dig first. Don't worry about telling your psychologist all about what happened. That will come in time. Work on you first and keep working on a trusting relationship with your psychologist. Tell him your feelings and that you want to work on your self-esteem first. He will support you.

Luann and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Everything you said makes sense. I have to get rid of shame in order to reduce depression. Problem lately is, panic happens and suddenly i'm back there without even trying to do any digging. And I lose any kind of words to tell him where I am.

Thanks for your help.
Rachel
Expert:  Luann replied 5 years ago.
Maybe write down what you want to tell him and give him this. Ask him to help you manage your anxiety and panic. The more tools you learn and are able to use to help you manage symptoms the easier it will be for you to move forward. Good luck!

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