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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5577
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Ive been in love with this girl for 19years, 5 of them we

Resolved Question:

I've been in love with this girl for 19years, 5 of them we were together then split up because she wanted a family and I wasn't quite ready. She got married and had 2 wonderful children. 2 years ago she was having marriage problems and we started getting back together. I told her 2 years ago what I wanted and she agreed that she wanted pretty much the same. After 2 years I stopped seeing her because nothing changed. She was still living under the same roof with her ex-spouse. I found another girl I could talk to and she somehow fell in love with me but she wasn't what I wanted. I needed that brief time to figure things out for myself. The first one(Angela) started making changes which I believe was so we could be together and for herself. I thought things were going good and I came up to work in a remote area. Since then she told me her feelings have changed for me and I believe it was because I hurt her. The way it went down was that at the time girl number 2 would not let me have any contact with girl Angela and on Christmas eve Angelas house was broken into and alot of things went missing(presents, photos etc.)I think she really needed me at that time but if I talked to her Girl #2 would of had nothing to do with me. All I needed was some time to figure out what I truly wanted for the rest of my life. I really believe if I didn't do things the way I did them Angela wouldn't of got the ball rolling on getting out of her bad situation and I never had any sexual contact with Girl 2. I didn't want to ruin anything with Angela. I realized I had brief doubts about how I felt for Angela and I know that I have truly loved her so much all along. New Years eve I spent with Angela and thought we were going to be together forever. Now she said her feeling for me have changed and I am not handling it well at all. I haven't slept and can't, I can't eat, and I'm getting sick all the time. I have alot of impure thoughts running in my head now and I just don't know what to do. Can you lend any advice?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like your relationship with Angela has been a back and forth situation and it still hasn't gotten any better.

 

Although you have strong feelings for Angela, she has not been forthcoming about her feelings for you. From what you said, it sounds like Angela has seen your relationship with her as a backdrop in her life. When things don't go well for her, she comes to you. When things are fine for her, she backs off your relationship. As a result, you are left wondering if you have a relationship at all.

 

It comes down to deciding how you want this relationship to work. Do you want to continue with her and allow the relationship to go back and forth? Or do you want to end it and move on? The healthier choice is to move on, but only you can decide that for yourself. Either way you chose, you may want to seek counseling to help you cope with the feelings you are having from this relationship.

 

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5577
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.