Good evening. FIrst let me say that I am truly sorry to hear of the pain that you are in. Based on what you've clearly identified in your question it sounds as though you are and have been experiencing a clinical depression. Oftentimes individuals who may have a genetic predisposition to depression can feel the way you are describing with no logical or rational basis for the negative feelings.
My suggestion would be for you to start by seeing a psychiatrist to be evaluated for an antidepressant. I would also suggest that you see a therapist so that you have someone to talk things through with. This way you have an outlet for the negative thoughts and emotions and they can help you to restructure your way of thought to help you manage better your thoughts and thereby manage your emotions and the behavioral results as well.
Please let me know if you have any further questions as I would be happy to answer anything further you may have.
If you feel I've answered your question to your satisfaction I would sincerely XXXXX XXXXX clicking the ACCEPT button thereby giving me credit for the answer I've provided. I wish you well and look forward to your response. Thank you for the opportunity to help you.