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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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My wife has been lying about cheating on me and she finally

Resolved Question:

My wife has been lying about cheating on me and she finally came clean but told me its my fault that I forced her into the arms of another man.

I would like to try and work on this but my trust in her is out the window and I still feel she cheated on me with multiple men and not just the one she claims.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 5 years ago.

Hi,

 

She has to earn your trust. Two red flags - 1/ she is blaming you for her actions, 2/ only you're are seeking counseling instead of having couple's therapy.

 

Regardless of whether or not she was cheating with one or multiple partners, you did not cause her behavior. She made a choice and even now is denying responsibilities. If she does not seek to improve herself and the marriage, you are going to live in constant doubt of her fidelity.

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I have talked to her about going to counciling with me. However, she thinks that the only reason I want her to go is for her alcohol abuse.

Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 5 years ago.
She can peddle her way out of going to therapy by finding different reasons. The fact remains- you did not cause her behavior, 2/ she is responsible for her actions regardless of the triggers, 3/ she is refusing to admit any wrong doing on her part by working on the marriage 4/ if she is expecting you to be the only one doing all of the work on the marriage, it would be unrealistic to expect a whole lot of improvement and unfair to you. You may have to think about what is allowing you to compromise as much when it comes to her.
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