Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
Life is obviously full of difficulties and challenges for you every day. You do not have ADHD (formerly called ADD). You seem, from a cursory analysis of what you have told me, to be suffereing from two different disorders:
Bipolar Disorder is characterized by racing thoughts, compuslive behavior (such as drinking), suicidal thoughts, angry rages, and the inability to control your behavior and feelings in this regard. You have clasic symptoms.
Psychotherapy can be helpful in lessening symptoms and controlling behavior, but much evidence points to the possibility of chemical imbalance in your brain. Certain medications, which are not narcotics or opiates, have been shown to be useful in stopping the manic behavior that you are showing. Antidepressants, such as Prozac, on the other hand, can make the manic phases much more severe. There is a definite risk of suicide for untreated bipolar disorder.
You are also suffering from an anxiety disorder known as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and once again show the classic symptoms for the obsessive AND the compulsive types of this disorder.
Exercise and stress
reduction techniques are very therapeutic in lowering the symptoms. Non drug psychotherapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is also very effective. Some medications as an adjunct can be helpful too.
I urge you to visit a clincial counselor or clinical psychologist to confirm diagnosis and begin therapy. You may have to visit a psychiatrist as well for medications to control your bipolar disorder, which can put you at great risk for suicide if not properly treated.
During my internship,one of my two supervisors was a psychiatrist who was himself afflicted with bipolar disorder, took his daily meds, and carried on a successful practice on a gruelling schedule. He was even chief resident of a major teaching hospital for awhile. He had many patients with bipolar disorder, and always greeted the new ones with his own background and told them, "Welcome to the club".
My point is, bipolar disorder can be managed and you can lead a normal life. Furthermore, OCD can be managed or eliminated. You will have to work on both.
Take heart. There is help available for you, and you can live a normal functional life.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC