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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5132
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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I very much appreciate your insight into my issue. It was

Resolved Question:

I very much appreciate your insight into my issue. It was eye-opening. I am finding it hard to swallow that that was what has been holding us together for 15 years, I am finding nothing at all attractive in him lately. Now he is trying so hard to please me and do all of the things that I havae been asking him to do for years. I wanted a vasectomy, ballroom classes, attention etc. and his philosiphy is "ok I'll do it now. I am so angry that he is doing it now and refused to do those things before when it would have made a difference. I feel like it is too late and it has nothing to do with another man. I think I just want to be free with or without someone else...I just want out. When I look at him I feel nothing...absolutely nothing except confusion over why. I am numb and that is not like me at all. I can be angry, hurt, happy, in love ...but this nothing is a lot to take and difficult to understand. He is trying so hard and I have nothing to offer him.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.

Hi! I guess it would not be appropriate to say I'm glad to hear from you, but it is satisfying in a human way to have more input and receive more of a sense of what's going on for you. I remember our previous exchange.

And you know, as I think about what you write, I have a different thought than I had the first time. What do I mean?

You write so powerfully about your sense of "nothing": of not receiving anything, of blocking your willingness to receive anything, of not feeling anything, you state it so powerfully.

And I wonder, then, how much of this is about him and how much is this a cry from within yourself about yourself? How much of this is that your life has had a momentum for a long time based on meaning and purpose. Not just your marriage to HIM, but your life itself. And that momentum matched the marriage's momentum. How much is it that your life has lost it's forward momentum and you have lost the sense of meaning and purpose?

I'm asking this as a question, I don't know for sure. I am asking it based on the sense of sheer, raw pain in your use of the word "nothing". And it's more than I usually get from couples who are bored with each other. How much are you feeling whole, purposeful, important, meaningful in your life?

How much of the lack of that is because of him? How much is because of your own life and forces within yourself?

These may be good questions to bring up in the couples therapy. You may be a more complex person and he a simpler one.

I wish you the very best!

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Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5132
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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