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Good morning and thank you for your reply. In all honesty the things you are considering in your reply would not be addressing the problem in the least. They would simply be "sweeping it under the rug" and trying to pretend it didn't happen. What I've observed over the years is that couples who have attempted to manage an affair in this manner end up resenting one another. I can sincerely XXXXX XXXXX to do what is necessary to save your marriage though by your husband telling you that he doesn't want to talk about it and does it only to please you appears to be 1) minimizing his behaviors and the emotional toll it has taken on you; and 2) trying to redirect blame onto you. I still stand by my original suggestion of therapy as I feel that would be truly beneficial.
I can suggest trying a workbook to start off with. It's a couples therapy workbook that you both can engage in and work on. It's based on "Imago Therapy" which is widely recognized as one of the leading theoretical approaches to successful couples therapy. Here is a link to the workbook:
The workbook will help you to come closer together and absolutely addresses intimacy issues. I would suggest you trying the workbook and the exercises within for a few weeks or so and see if there is any improvement. Having said that, It's evident that you are having considerable difficulty with managing the thoughts in relation to his engaging in the affair and not feeling desirable which is certainly understandable given the circumstances. I would suggest that you consider going to therapy to try and help you process the emotions that are flooding you and impacting your ability to cope.
If you decide to not choose therapy at this point I can suggest a workbook for you to try and work through things on your own to start off with. It's based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which looks closely at one's thoughts and the resulting impact on their emotional state and behavioral manifestations. I have a great deal of confidence in this workbook as it targets one's self esteem. Here is a link to that book.http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-R-Schiraldi/dp/1572242523
Please let me know if you have any further questions or if you need any further clarification and I would be happy to help.
If I've answered your question to your satisfaction I would greatly appreciate your clicking the ACCEPT button thereby giving me credit for the answer I've provided. I hope this finds you well and look forward to your response. I wish you the very best of luck!