Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.
First, let me say that there seems to be some embarrassment working against your husband here. At the end of the day, you seem more able to discuss sex without embarrassment than he is.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. You need to be the one to take the next step here because of your openness. The next step is to diffuse the situation. If that doesn't work, then you may need to consider going to a couples therapist together if the two of you start growing more emotionally distant.
Your husband is now reaching the age where the male libido goes through changes that can be very unnerving for a man: it takes a little more active effort to want to go through the bother of having sex. That's a bit different than males have experienced before! So often, newer fantasies, more erotic actions, etc. become easier to respond to. And they are very reassuring. In the same way that the loving and caring sex is reassuring to you, the erotic sex is reassuring to him.
So your goal is to make it more lighthearted. You want to have both of your needs met, either in the same interlude or sometimes his way, sometimes your way. You might consider reading my answer to you together. You decide if it would be appropriate or threatening.
So the way to make it lighthearted is not during sex at first but when you are both feeling okay and not too tired and you can initiate a conversation. See if you can bring it up and state your sense of what is going on as another part of your loving journey together. Discuss what you like, ask about what he likes, get him comfortable talking.
Okay. Keep smiling during the conversation and let him know that you are not feeling bad about his new situation.
I wish you the very best!
Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX