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Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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I have a friend who sells clothes online. She would be real

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I have a friend who sells clothes online. She would be real lucky to occasionally sell a blouse online for $20. One day a doctor out of state found her site and offered her a high amount for her blouse around $60. At the time she was asking around $25 or best offer. He bought a couple of them in this manner. Then later on he emailed her and said for her to start putting the blouses on her big busted mannequin that it turned him on. He also said that he wanted her to beg him to pay much more money for a blouse she had listed for best offer and to take advantage of him. She did as he said. She told him he had to pay more money. Now she says that he begs her so much that she tells him that she wants him to pay $300 for a $4 blouse she gets at a thrift store. She tell me that he has a fetish and that is all and if he wants to pay that much for a blouse that she doesn't feel at all guilty about asking him for that kind of money. Now she is going around finding more blouses that she knows will turn him on so she can sell them for much more than they are worth. My concern is that I really believe that this young doctor has more than a fetish. I truly believe it is some sort of mental illness and that my friend is taking advantage of it and making money off of his illness. I know that he is a doctor and has lots of money but that is beside the point. Others, who know of the situation, think she is being set up in some way from the government or something else. I would really appreciate your input on what might be wrong with this young man and if it is just a fetish like she claims or exactly what the illness is. Like I mentioned he is a pediatric doctor and I didn't know if this behavior would have any bearing on his practice with young children. Now a days you don't know what anyone is capable of. Please let me know what you think is wrong with the man. I know what’s wrong with my friend she doesn't care as long as she is getting good money. All she says is that he begs her so she asks for more money. I would also like to know what you think of what she is doing. Do you think she is taking advantage of someone disturbed? If possible I would like this answered in a private email to me please.
Another worry is can this woman by going along with this man’s obsession make him more mental ill? To me it would like giving an alcoholic some alcohol. I could be all wrong I am just really confused about not knowing what the illness is. All I know is that it doesn’t seem right for her to take advantage of the situation. It could me just my way of thinking. I had a brother, whom I loved so dearly, that was bi polar. I seen him suffer so much from his mental illness. I think about him in this situation. I would have been very, very, upset to see someone take advantage of him like I believe that she is doing to this man. I feel like now she is getting pleasure from being in control of his money when she gives a ridiculous price for a blouse that he is obsessed with paying too much for. I told her once that if he won’t take no for and answer if he wants her too keep raising the price and to take advantage of him to just tell me no! She could still be in control like he wants if she said “no this is what I want you to pay, now just pay it!!” She says well he just keeps begging me for more money and I don’t know what to do. He wants her to be controlling of him and to get him to pay more money for his fetish. This is what she is telling me that is going on in his emails. His feedbacks started like this and then they are getting more obsessive.

Fantastic seller to work with; great communication!!

LOVE buying from this seller!Her sexy items keep me coming to her store for more

ADDICTED to buying from this Wonderful seller!!She makes my fantasies come true!

Spectacular seller!!She has me TOTALLY ADDICTED!!Cannot get enough!!!Thank you!!

This seller is sooo intensely thrilling to work with!!!THANK YOU sooo much!!!

All she says now is that he is a doctor and makes good money, he can afford it. Please let me know what you think of this situation. I
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

I can understand how the situation you are describing is disturbing for you.

Unfortunately, what you describe is not unusual. Being controlled, and paying money to others as a form of sexual gratification is not entirely unusual. In this situation, given that both your friend and the doctor are two adults consensually engaging in this exchange there is not much you can do. The concern here is that your friend's client - this doctor may go further and further with his demands to a point where she may no longer be comfortable with what he is asking. As I see it now, if he is willingly paying the amounts that he is, for her items, then there is nothing intrinsically wrong with that. However, I would encourage you to let her know that she can pull back anytime she doesn't feel comfortable anymore.

I also feel that your friend has certain self-esteem issues and other deeper issues that are leading her to give in to the doctor's demands and play along. If possible, I would recommend that your friend consider therapy - as that will bring to the surface her motivations for engaging in this. It also might be against the website's policy (through which she retails) to engage in such activities as buyer and seller because it is not in line with professional buyer-seller relationship.

At this point, based on what you have shared, apart from letting your friend know that you are not comfortable with what she is doing, and reminding her that she has the choice to pull back from serving this doctor, there isn't much you can do. Recommending that she consult with a therapist would also be good. I appreciate your concern as a friend for her, and am sure that she will be able to see in due course that she is not engaging in recommended behavior/practices.

I hope I was able to provide some perspective. Please do let me know if you have questions/thoughts.

Warm regards,

Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience: Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
Arundhati and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I appreiciate what you are saying but I really would like to now excatly what being turn on my women's clothes and also begging her to raist the price and to take advantage of him is called as a mental condition. Is it a mental condition? Also he is a childrens doctor if he has a sexually mental illness could his child patients be at risk. There are some many child sexual perverts that anything is possible. Will he get wrost with her now constantly contacting him with more blouse that she knows will turn him on and that she will make more money on?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi, Did you get my reply. I said that I appreciated your input but I still want to know excatly what the mental condition is called. Someone who gets sexually turned on from a satin blouse that he saw listed online, for buy it now or best offer, and then begs the seller to ask for more money. At this time he is giving up to $300 for a $4 thrift store blouse. He also tell her to take advantage of him then he says to her now wasn't that fun. Also is it a mental illness and if so with her playing along with him, getting a big thrill out of making big bucks from him and constantly getting more blouses and putting them online to bait him with ,will this make him sicker? She is feeding his fantasies and I think she is wrong to exploit a mental ill man. But like I said her reasoning is that he begs and begs and she doesn't know what to do. My last question is my concern of him being a childrens doctor are the children at risk at all with him having this sexual disorder?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Am I suppose to click on accept now or after all my questions are answered?
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for your response and sorry for not being able to reply to your question earlier.

The dynamic between your friend and her client seems to be a sort of psychological form of what would normally be characterized as a "Domination" role under the umbrella of BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism). As far as I understand, there is no name for this in the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Mental Illnesses) or nothing to characterize it as a mental illness. In any case, only if this "role play" resulted in significant impairment of normal functioning including causing significant distress to the doctor it would be recognized as a mental illness and the DSM IV does not recognize BDSM activities as illnesses in and of themselves.

I understand your point regarding whether there is any threat to the children involved whom the doctor treats but so far there is very little research to indicate that those with an interest in BDSM activities (or emotional domination and subjugation as is the case here) have any predisposition towards any type of paedophilic activities.

As long as the activity is entire consensual between two consenting adults, there is so far nothing to stop it.

I hope this answers your question. Please do let me know if you have thoughts/additional questions.

Warm regards,

Arundhati

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Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author