Thank you for the additional information and apologies for not being able to get back to you earlier.
From what you describe, it does sound like you are creating rules for yourself with regard to what God would approve of or won't. As you might already know, many Christians enjoying collecting coins as a hobby and it is generally not regarded as something that would offend God. In a similar way, I am sure you are aware that many people around the world are trying out new things such as Yoga, Meditation
, Mindfulness, Tai Chi etc. and these people may be devout Christians but do not see these practices as offending God. It seems to me these "rules" that you create for yourself are a reflection of deeper issues (e.g. fear of failure, anxiety
) that are forming a roadblock to your normal functioning.
I would hence, encourage you to consult with a therapist for a consultation. Especially those who specialize in anxiety and utilize cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which has been found to be especially effective in anxiety (including OCD, OCPD etc.) and depression issues.
I hope I was able to provide some perspective. Please do let me know if you have additional questions/thoughts.