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I understand from your question that you wish to let go of the guilt so you can move on?
have you heard of EFT? It stands for Emotional Freedom Technique and it is very quick and simple to use.
If you can press the return button as you type, I can begin to see what you are writing
Hi yes I need help. Everything I read tells me i need to confess to my husband and whilst I can see it would let go of my guilt it would devastate my whole family
OK, maybe then that is the wise decision.
and I suggest that you look at something called EFT
i cant confess
I understand that everywhere you look, it suggests you should confess -
but what good would that do?
none but i live in fearthat eventually it will come out
You have already finished the affair and the guilt you feel is punishment enough
without wrecking your family too.
I guess there is never any guarantee that won't happen
but if you haven't lied to your husband then you are shielding him from the truth so that he doesn't hurt so bad.
But I have lied to him. I told him it was a text affair but it was physical
OK, how did he respond to your admission - does he love you and want to keep your marriage going?
yes he does and since he found out the marriage has been great. I love him and so want this marriage to work
Then I suggest that you learn from your mistake by looking at why it happened,
what did you gain from the affair that was missing from your marriage?
How can you inject that back into your marriage?
i suppose it was the closeness. my husband an i both work hard we have 3 small children and i think we took eachother for granted and didn't make time for eachother
Then you have had a wakeup call and need to make time for this to happen in your marriage.
If you can do that and be so close, the affair will drop back in time to the past, where it belongs.
every time i look at him the guilt overwhelms me and i think that is stopping me from moving forward
OK, so this is where you can learna technique called EFT, emotional freedom technique - you can learn it from many websites on the internet, basically you are tapping on the meridian points in your body and letting go of the emotions that you are holding inside.
It may not be something you have ever come across or considered before, but it works!
I will give you a quick lesson if you like -
will it get rid of my constant anxiety
using the fingers on your right hand, tap along the side of your left hand between the base of your little
it could do if you practice it ...
finger and your wrist
and say to yourself, or outloud if you like
.... even though I was wrong, I can let the guilt go ....
.... even though I hurt my husbadn very much, I do still love him very much .....
change hands and repeat on the other side
can you feel the energy leaving your body?
try it when you aren't at the computer - doing the two together can be confusing - it's something you need to concentrate on.
there are websites you can learn this from
if you are interested .....
search for EFT techniques and you will find a few ... 123EFT is quite good.
OK, are you willing to try something else here?
close your eyes, concentrate on your guilt, notice where you feel it and tap very quickly on your knees, left, right, left, right, left, right over and over
take a deep breath and see what happens ...
try and let it go - it should start to lessen
its making me cry
that's great, just let it go....
keep tapping and let the energy out
let it go - it is trapped within your body and you are letting it out -
It's ok, you are doing really well,
let it go
you don't need ot hold it anymore
it's all in the past
how are you now?
OK, let it go .....
what are you thinking?
just notice your thoughts and keep tapping if you can
how are you feeling now?
better thank you. that was such a strange feeling of uncontrolable crying
You were releasing the emotions from your body - what has happened to the guilt?
is it as strong as it was?
i think so
OK - now you have learnt this, you can do it whenever you have a chance, and you can let it go.
You don't need to hold on to it anymore.
but how do i move forward when guilt is all i feel
It tells your brain that you want to let go, so you may dream about it, but that's good because that's where we process our anxieties away.
You can visit an EMDR therapist if you wish, who will help you to let go of it all in one go -
however, EFT is something you can learn for yourself very easily and keep doing until it diminishes.
The guilt is there to stop you from doing it again, but if you have learnt from it, then you have no need to hold it anymore.
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing, a tapping technique that helps you to let go of memories and emotions that are linked ot the memories.
You can find out information and a therapist local to you at www.emdr.com
i have learnt from it and i would never ever do it again.
then you can let the guilt go because it has served its purpose
is that what i was trying earlier by tapping on my hand
The techniques are very similar - they tap into your energy resources and let them go if they are there to be released
let the emotions go, I should say
have a look on www.123eft.co.uk for information and guidance. There are videos of people doing this - you can learn form them and read how people have moved on by using it.
How does that sound?
ok i think
How are you feeling now?
a little better thank you. i hate feeling like this. i feel like its taking over me
EFT is an example of complimentary medicine - it taps into the parts of us that sometimes the doctors are unable to help us with, because they are outside the traditional methods of western medicine. It's hard to go to the doctor and tell him that you need to let go of your guilt, but complimentary therapists will help you.
Do you have a complimentary health shop or clinic near to you? They would have a chat with you and find you an appropriate therapist -
or you could search on www.mentaline.co.uk for a therapist and pay for a session through there.
ok thank you
I do hope that was helpful - you know now that there are avenues which you can take to help yourself - complimentary therapists will consider your request to be completely normal. There is a belief that you can hold the emotion in the physical body and that it can cause your energy to become less easily flowing (a carniosacral therapist would help with this) so it is worth working on. Don't forget it is a very small part of you and that you have a loving husband and 3 (no doubt adorable!!) children to keep you smiling - take care of yourself,
please press the accept button if you found my answer and my time valuable as this is how we get paid for our work in this site.
With very best wishes, Sarah
sorry that should say craniosacral therapist