How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Sarah Your Own Question

Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Sarah is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband cheated through texting. My morals are supported

Resolved Question:

My husband cheated through texting. My morals are supported by my catholic beliefs, but I am battling my modern world logic. We have two kids. My husband would say things of love and sexual to get that girl to send over 50 nudety pictures and videos. My mind is in the beginning i warned if you cheat on me its over, 6 years later and 2 kids... Then i think of marriage is through better or worse. Then my kids, and thier hewarts, mine is shattered and i don't feel in love anymore, but i love him. The thought of leaving is devastating and I feel so weeak i can't leave. He has already watched porn constantly even when i expressed my felings and why I dislike it. He went in the one way door way when i said no but he did it anyway, then he looked into a wife swap, now cheated via texts to old coworker for several months. He's begging me to stay, he loves me more now than before cheating on me, and wants another last chance. I can't sort my final decision. My heart and mind argue and battle also cause of my kids. Help me. I want to do the right thing and i am scared to make a mistake. Should I stay, though I don't trust him and i am tired of trying to make this work, or should I go. How do I decide?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.

Hi there,

 

Thanks for your question. Your letter is full of hurt and mistrust, and if I am reading you right, he has also abused you physically, as well as emotionally. You are concerned for your children because they will miss their daddy. He says that he loves you.

 

OK, lets look for evidence of these things - what positive things does this man bring to your children's lives? How much negative stuff do they see and how much would they benefit from being away from that negativity? Children are very perceptive and can sense that parents are unhappy even if they do not see the anger or the abuse. Often, when a parent says 'we are leaving' the children say 'thank goodness, why has it taken you so long?'

 

Of course you feel weak - you have asked your husband to respect your wishes not to watch porn or to use the one-way door and he has not respected you. He makes you feel weak by not hearing what you say. He is looking into wife-swapping - not only does this mean he is willing to go with another female, but that he expects you to have sexual relations with another man. Ask yourself if this is what you got married for? Is it what you had in your dreams when you said that you loved him and would do so forever? I imagine that he has broken his original vows by his behaviour, which in my view, gives you permission to leave.

 

He is begging you to stay and saying that he loves you - I would say that he does this because with you by his side, he is a respectable married man - without you he is a single lonely man who seeks sexual gratification where he can. I am supposed to be non-judgemental in my replies, but I have to say that I honestly believe that his behaviour towards you does not indicate that he loves or respects you. His behaviour is abusive and unacceptable. Our children learn from the role models that they have and I feel certain that you do not wish your children to become like their daddy. Of course they love him because they are small. But this love will disappear as they become older and more aware of what he is doing to you and then you will have stayed for nothing.

 

I cannot make this decision for you - it has to be your own. I hope I have spelled out what you already know in black and white for you to read. There are people who can help you to leave - do you have family or friends who can help you if you decide to do so? there are also websites that you can use for support - try www.womansdivorce.com/leaving-an-?abusive-husband.html or

womensaid.org.uk

 

There are many women who stay in sad marriages, but there are many who leave and find happiness with or without a new partner, whether or not they have a family. If you leave, please ensure that you tell the children over and over that it is not their fault and that they could not have done anything to prevent it, as children often blame themselves. Let them know that mummy and daddy both love them very much and that it is not their responsibility to make you happy. They need to know that you are in control. I do hope this has helped you to see more clearly.

 

Please consider pressing the accept button if my answer and my time have been valuable to you - this is the only way we get paid on this site. Or feel free to reply. With best wishes, Sarah

 

Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Sarah and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions