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Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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Hi Sarah! I want to know you opinion again.But I have diffrent

Resolved Question:

Hi Sarah!
I want to know you opinion again.But I have diffrent situation.
3 months ago I met doctor of my dream.She is not just naturopatic physician,doctor write books she is scientific.My doctor also is healer, Master Reiki.During my first appoitment I felt comfortable,opened.Usually Im not always feel comfortable with person, I see him or her first time.So during first month after this meeting I have noticed how many same things me and my Doctor have.She is ukrainian also, we bouth love nature,support our health by herbs ,vtamins ,supplements.We both have she has two adult sons, I have two a little sons.Me and my doctorove gargening,our plants.I emailed my health questions to her,she answered next day.Sime times I emailed to her every day,sometimes every 2-3 days.I felt my attachment to her rise more and more.Everithig was fine until now.Last two months I was suffered from depression.I felt sad,alone.I sent messages to my doctor almost every day.She answered also.I feel much better,I so thankful to my doctor..Our talk therapy helped me so much.I said "Bay" to my depression.But this week she stopped answered to me,she ignored my quisteons about my next appoitment,about her treatment.Last our talk was "cold".I felt I loss my doctor.Im feeling my doctor dont want more to see me.Also Im feeling I have to give rest from self to my doctor.Now im sad.So, Sarah, why strong attachment to doctor affect relationship between patient and doctor?What I did wrong?Where is my mistake?How and when I can to come back to my doctor?How re-estabilish relations? Or is it end of my relationship between me and my doctor and I have to found other doctor?Im afraid I will not can to found such doctor, like my doctor.She is great doctor!She is the best naturopthic physician in whole world!!!!Before I never met such person,such doctor!Its first time in my life.So, doctor how go through this painful and stressful situation?How can I to help to self? Now I left without my doctor and I have to be healtny,I have to know how to help to self.If I will feel not good,nobody will help me.
Sarah, I hope and this time you will can to help me.Last time you gave me great answer and helped me much.Im feel happy,I joy my life again!

Dear all Experts, if this my question will come to you again, please leave question for Sarah.I want to know her opinion.Thank you so much!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.
Hi there,

Thanks for your question and your faith in my ability to help you. I have some information for you. When a person is in need of assistance, therapy or medical advice, they are in some ways dependent on their professional, doctor, therapist, etc. to help them out. They are, because they are in a position of needing help, in a somewhat vulnerable position. They have a hole which they are hoping to fill with some answers. Now, what can happen is that the professional gives the best advice that they can and hopefully the patient/client feels better, which is great. In some cases, the client or patient is so grateful that they have started to make progress as a result of the advice, that they begin to feel affection for the professional who has helped them. It is a phenomenon called Transference and you can read about it on the web - it is something that all therapists should learn about when they train in their profession - all therapists and doctors should be aware when this starts to happen and they are professionally bound to stop this, as it is never accepted that a therapist or doctor should have a relationship with a client or patient. As you had lots of things in common (2 sons, ainterest in herbs, etc.) then the feeling that there was a real connection becomes even stronger, because when we share something with someone, we automatically feel closer to them. It's a way in which man beings naturally connect. Sometimes the transference can bounce in the opposite direction and the doctor or therapist can feel affection fro the patient or client. This is called counter-transference and is also frowned upon. This can happen because the doctor or therapist has a real need to help others - and when they fulfill this role successfully with a particular client, the professional can feel 'fulfilled and contented' yet interpret this as affection fro the client. They see the client in a positive light because they have enabled themselves to reach their goal of helping others. It sounds to me that perhaps your doctor and yourself began to feel a little of this. It made you feel good and you were very pleased. please know that you have done nothing wrong. This phenomenon happens naturally all around the world and happens without warning. The way for a professional to deal with this is supposed to be to discuss it with the client - however, this can be extremely difficult and/or embarrassing. Perhaps on this occasion it has seemed easier for your doctor to cut communication. Your doctor knows that there are other doctors that you can gain positive effects from and she is therefore not leaving you stranded and without assistance. This may have been the only way that this doctor knew to stop what was going on. I can only imagine that the way for you to take this forward if you are absolutely sure that you wish to work with this doctor without affection being part of the equation, is to explain the truth - that you realise you have fallen into the patterns of transference, that you are in control of what is happening and would very much like to continue reaching therapy on a very professional, client - doctor basis. The doctor may then agree to work with you again. I do think that if my theory is true, that the doctor behaved very professionally by not allowing this to grow any bigger than it was. To cut off communication totally was perhaps a little harsh, but maybe the best this person could do. You are very unlikely to have a relationship with this person, certainly not whilst you are the client, and probably not at any time at all. It would be unfair of me to suggest anything else may happen and I do hope that that now you understand this phenomenon (you can search fro more details about transference or counter-transference on the computer) then maybe you can let this go and move on? If this doctor has a webpage or website, or has written a book, you can continue to learn from her wisdom through those mediums. If not, you can continue to learn and experience the therapies and plants that she introduced you to through many other different healers and therapists, even though they are not the same, but you can know that you will always have a connection with this wodnerful lady because she introduced some of this to you and you have followed it through to a higher level. If this answer has been valuable to you, do please press the accept button. With very best wishes, Sarah

Edited by Sarah on 1/23/2011 at 9:05 PM EST
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks. Im a little understand, a little dont understand .
Is transference normal or not? Is natural process?Why it happened?
I know my doctor and me both had hard time , and I think if my doctor felt my attachment to her and had hard time,she could to help me to stop emailing to her so often.She could to say "Name, I see how you happy to be one of my patients,I see how you attached to me.Thank you for you positive feelings.I understand you.But... Can you to send messages to me not so often? Thank you!"It helped me also and I hadnot such stressful and painful situation now.
All my life I have strong attachment to some people in my life.I have strong attachment to to just people I know them, they kind with me , they and me have many same things in our life what connect us.Those people are always so kind with me,they understand me.I have not hard time with my attachment to those some people in my life.My doctor is first person who gave me hard time with my attachment.She stoped our relationship between patient and doctor,and she feel good now.But I still have hard time because I left alone with my health problem, and I look for way how I can to be one of her patients again.Yes. Not just my doctor is naturopathic physician in our area.We have others naturopathic physicians,other healers.But, as I said you early I will can to found such great doctor, like she.My doctor is my dream doctor.All my life I had dream about such doctor.Finally dream came true.And lived just 2 months!Its so sad story!

Yes, sometime I has visits to her website, to www.steadyhealth.com, where she wrote nice information.
I dont think I was on depended on my doctor.I know almost everything what she recommend to me, because I also natural person.My mama is as my doctor,but without diploma.        I think I had emotional band.
Now I see my mistake.I show all my positive feelings,how Im happy to be one of her patients,how I appreciated so fast! If I was patient,I show so slowly my attachment to my doctor everything was fine now And I didnot suffer from emotion pain now.Also I have noticed this situation made me stronger and more careful.If I will meet onother doctor and will feel such attachment to her or to him.I will be so so carefull with my attachment and this person.I understand her as person, but I dont understand her as doctor.She left me alone durring her treatment!I stil take her treatment if somthing happened worsewhat I have to do? I cannot to call or to emailing to her more.I dont want make her mad at me more and give hard time again.She need rest from me matbe month,maybe two, maybe year.I dont know.And I think I felt strong attachment to my doctor to as person, no to as doctor.Because she is also ukrainian.She knows our Ukraine history.Her brother lives in Ukraine.My doctor like gardening and me love work in my garden.And I feel how she keep distance,she doesnot keep talks about life,about Ukraine.We were.just as doctor and patient.Now everything much worse I cannot to be as her patient also.Doctor its very sad story!I feel so sorry for my Doctor, she didnot understand me and she still doesnot understand me.Its o.k.
Maybe my doctor dislike people, who happy to meet her in their life who show her their positive feelings,who feel attachment to her.I didnot wait for such behaviour from her!
But Life gave me nice lesson and made me stronger!
So,Sarah, can I to come back to my Doctor? If yes what the best way ?I a little dont understand your first answer.
Thanks for your help and this time!


Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.

Hi there,

 

Thanks for your question. I have had a look at the site that you mentioned above - is this doctor one that you pay for advice, like this one? I am sorry, I misunderstood, I thought this was someone you are going to see at the surgery perhaps. Then Transference is probably not a problem!! Maybe this doctor has had to take a break from the site - this could be for many reasons. Or maybe your questions are not specific enough for her to be able to give you a specific answer. It is difficult for me to say what has happened, but maybe you have interpreted this as a personal thing, when it may be that your doctor has something of her own to deal with in her own life. It sounds like your Mama is a good lady, perhaps she can guide you too, without the doctor. There are many fabulous sites on the web that you can learn from without personal connections with the doctors - perhaps you could learn more from reading about these things? I have to say, your English is fabulous, and so you have all of the English sites to learn from. I do hope this is helpful for you - if you feel bad, continue your tapping and feel it as it goes away. Have a look on http://123eft.com/ for more info and techniques. With Best Wishes, Sarah

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi, Sarah! Thank for keep talk with me.
I hope, you founded "my doctors" information.If yes, do you like?
Yes.I hade just this doctor.And I payed her for her advice.I still want to be one of her patient again.Now I look for the best way how I can to come back to "my doctor".If everything will be fine again, I will be so so careful.
Internet is internet.All sites says"Its just information.Ask for advice "your doctor".Call to "your doctor" if..." .So ,I never treat self, I always asked "my doctor" for her advice.I always was so happy to get answer from her.Before ask "my doctor", I learn informarion on internet,just after I asked her.Im so careful with internet information.Internet cannot to treat you, just real doctor really can to help you to be healthy and happy.
Mama is mama,I cannot to make her upset by my health problems.
So,Sarah, all ways go to this doctor.What is the best way to come back to "my doctor"?
What can you to recommend to me?
Any way, I hope everything will be fine.
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.

Hi there! I think my best advice would be to make your question(s) very clear, ask just one or two questions and then wait a week or two before asking more. That way, the doctor can share her limited resources between yourself and other clients. Maybe when she knows that you will send many, she knows she cannot spend so much time just with you and so perhaps she ignored your question after a while. Maybe you could say something like - "I have a quick question for you, I would appreciate your answer to the following......ask question here...... Thank you for your time." Maybe if she sends a long answer, you could pay for that answer before you send another - this may encourage her to respond again. I do hope this is useful for you - I do hope your doctor responds to you again. With Best Wishes, Sarah

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Almost every my message was ful comiments to "my doctor".I was so thankful to her, I was appreciated.And Im still so thankful to "my doctor" what she did for me. She is great naturopathic physician,the best Doctor in whole world!

Thank you so much for your answers and your time, Sarah!
But I still want to know and repeat my quisteons again
Can I to be one of " my doctor" patient again?
If yes, what the best way to come back to her?
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.

Hi there, I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. Yes, I do not see why you cannot contact your doctor again through the website and see if she will contact you.

 

As I said before, I think my best advice would be to make your question(s) very clear, ask just one or two questions and then wait a week or two before asking more. That way, the doctor can share her limited resources between yourself and other clients. Maybe when she knows that you will send many, she knows she cannot spend so much time just with you and so perhaps she ignored your question after a while. Maybe you could say something like - "I know you have many clients and you have to share your time between us all - I have a quick question for you, I would appreciate your answer to the following......ask question here...... Thank you for your time." Maybe if she sends a long answer, you could pay for that answer before you send another - this may encourage her to respond again. You could send her an email directly if that is what you did before - say the things above - acknowledge that you will be quick and then don't send many many questions in a few days. I do hope she replies!!! I hope this is what you meant in your question, Best Wishes, Sarah

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks so much!Finally I got answer what I need to know.Its very helpful!Thanks again.
O.K. I will wait for my email to "my doctor" for whille.Im feeling I have to give rest to her.And I will try start to contact with her again.
I have another question for you ,Sarah.what can you recommend me for my strong attachment to some people in my life?I dont want this people and me had hard time from my attachment?
How to be patient (or patience)?
And last question How I will can accept you answer without my questions go to online?
Our talk is private, I dont want my questions went to online and people read my story.Maybe "my doctor" will come to this site and will found everything.I dont want she knew it. Enough for me, I opened topic about my attachment to her (i also ask help and advice other people) same site she is member of it and share her information with this site.Maybe she sow this topic already or not yet.I dont know.
Thank you for your time and answer!
All the best!!!
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.

Hi there,

 

I have two little answers for you - have a think about what you gain from your attachment to others, and see if you can gain this elsewhere, without feeling that you are taking too much of someone's time. There is nothing wrong with being attached to people, just that you must monitor their reaction and perhaps not need so much from them. Secondly, you cannot accept my answer without it being on line, but to be honest, that is what the site is about - it is online help. The answers are online at the moment, so nothing will change if you press accept, other than I will get paid for my time. I mean the answers are online anyway for people to see. But unless you tell your doctor that you have contacted someone on this site, I doubt very much she will be looking - she will probably be far too busy to be reading who has written to whom, so do not worry. I do hope you will accept and I wish you the very best, Sarah

Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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Sarah
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Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.