Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hi, I'd like to help you with your problem.
It sounds like your husband is either not willing to see this situation as a problem, or he is refusing to see a problem. Either way, you need to protect yourself in this situation.
I believe your counselor is right. At this point, you have tried everything you could to get your husband to understand there is a problem. He is not able to or willing to see what is happening, so it leaves you little choice in the matter but to protect yourself and your kids.
If you believe that your household expenses will last the year it takes to see if you husband responds, then by all means give him this time. But I agree, boundaries need set so you can have markers by which to measure progress, if there is any. It also gives you some measure of control to say "this needs accomplished by this time", etc.
I agree too that it would place a very large burden on you to work outside the home at this point. It also may be a detriment because it could give your husband even more reason to not help support the family and take some financial responsibility if he has you bringing in an income.
Set up a schedule with your counselor for the upcoming year for your husband. Also begin researching your options for separating your accounts. It never hurts to have a separate account just for bills at least or even a savings as a back up.
There is also a book that may help you called Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker by Bonnie Eaker-Weil. Amazon.com has it available or your local library may have a copy.
I hope this has helped you,