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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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my boyfriend can not let go of things from the past when we

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my boyfriend can not let go of things from the past when we first met, in which he never did tell me that he liked me or was interested in me, and I feel as if when he is always looking for something that i'm not doing., and automatically jumps to conclusions that I'm doing somethig wrong when I'm not, I feel at times that he is still living through things that his ex-wife put him through..How do I help him or help our relationship
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It sounds like your boyfriend has a lot of issues, either related to his former relationship or possibly learned behavior from childhood issues. How our parents react to one another affects us in our relationships when we are adults. He may have unresolved issues of this nature.


Have you tried talking with him about how his behavior hurts you? Is he interested in continuing your relationship and if so, is he willing to work on these problems? Usually, when someone criticizes like he does, they have issues of anger and insecurity. He will need to be open to working on those problems. Both of you can also work on communication. He needs to find better ways of discussing when he is bothered by something.


I highly recommend couples therapy. You can both benefit from learning new ways to communicate and he can work on the source of his behavior as well. You can ask your doctor for a referral or if you attend church, your pastor can help. Pastors are usually good at couples counseling so you might be able to get help at your church. Also, your local community mental health center may also be a good resource for help.


Here are a few good resources to help you. One is called Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict by Jonathan Robinson. Another is Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship by Jeffrey Bernstein and Susan Magee. Also, this website is very helpful with learning communication-


I hope this has helped you,


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