I think I suffer from depression. I've been suffering from it for years, because I can't even recall when or how I started feeling like this. I always feel alone and as if I were dead in life. I am really forgetful of things, and my room is always a mess. I have all these pains all over my body that I've gone to the doctor to see what they're from, and they can't answer my questions. I always get chest pain, and it feels as if I'm going to have a heart attack. I've had many tests run on me for this, and nothing comes up. I get a lot of stomach pains as well. Once, the pain was so much, I felt dizzy and threw up. My boyfriend thought I was pregnant, but I'm not. Also, I've asked to get examined, because my knees, my right knee in particular, always hurts. Sometimes, it hurts so much that I can't bend it. I also get pains on my shoulder and as of late, I get really strong headaches. I've been told that this may be associated with Clinical Depression, but I'd like to get a professional opinion on it. All my friends can sense my depression, and I feel they try to stay away from me as much as they can. When I was much younger, I did
really well in school, and in high school, my grades took a dip. I've been struggling ever since. Also, it's really hard for me to land a job. I have one now, but I get obsessive thoughts about how I am not performing well and it prevents me from participating in company events. I get all kinds of obsessive thoughts, and I can not stop them. Some of them are violent, some are just memories of bad things that happened to me, and some are sexual, and they just play over and over. At times, I'm able to sleep like a baby, but most of the time, it's hard for me to sleep. I wake up often at night, and sometimes, like today, I'll sleep beyond the time I should. When I wake up at night sometimes, I start shaking and sweating
. My head starts feeling very light, and my heart pounds really fast. The last time this happened to me was almost two months ago. Also, since I was in Kindergarten, I've been peeling the skin off the side of thumbs, close to the nail, and also, ever since I can remember, I've been biting the insides of my cheeks until it hurts. I've noticed as of late that I do these things as a form of relieving my stress
. Something else that I do that doctors have not been able to explain: I have moments when I wet my bed. They don't occur often, in fact, they seem to occur months apart until it stops. I've done everything in the past, as indicated by my physician, but nothing has worked. It's ruining my life. I have plans of going to a psychiatrist for this, but I want to know if this is something they can help me with. I've already been to a psychologist, actually two, and they have unsuccessfully been able to target the real problems. They have targeted other issues in my life, and while they did make me feel better, in the long run, it wasn't enough. Please let me know if this is depression and what your recommendation is? Thank you.