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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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What do I do if I am a 30 year old man who moved away from

Resolved Question:

What do I do if I am a 30 year old man who moved away from home this year, lost his friends, lost his girlfriend and feel like I have no purpose in life?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It depends on what happened to cause all the loss. Can you describe the situation a bit further? Was there an event, something you might have done, or another reason you lost your friends and girlfriend?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Friends seemed to just drift away as the years went by and when I moved to where I am now the ones that remained stopped wanting to be a part of my life. When I moved to where I am now my girlfriend was the only person I knew here and I still don't know anyone else here. We broke up because one of my "best friends" is a girl that I've known since I was in 7th grade and she wanted me to completely cut her out of my life instead of trying to get to know her which I refused so we broke up and now she won't speak to me and I feel like I can't meet new people if I don't have friends to go out with to meet new people so I am stuck in my apartment all the time alone.
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Ok, so the move caused some of the issue. I understand.

 

There are many ways you can meet new people. Attend church, your job, join a group of some sort, take up a hobby, make conversation with those you see during the day like clerks, barber, waiters, etc. Once you see these people more than once and become a familiar face, they will be willing to start conversations with you. This is a good time to ask about the social life around your area. If you say you are new to the area, that is even better. Most people really want to help.

 

However, if your issue is a bit deeper and is caused by feeling depressed, that is going to hinder your efforts to meet people and develop a social life. It doesn't mean you can't, it just makes it a bit harder. If you feel depressed and think it is caused by your recent losses (which is completely normal), then pushing yourself to go out and meet new people is a good way to help yourself recover. There is no harm in feeling bad about your recent losses. It is normal to mourn over losses, even if they are good ones like moving away to a new place. It is particularly appropriate to feel depressed when you lose friends and a relationship at the same time. You have had numerous losses and stressors in your life recently. It often takes a while to adjust, and mild, short term depression can be part of that.

 

If you find that your depression is getting to the point you cannot function, please seek out the help of a therapist. Short term Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you recover quickly and get back to feeling better. You can talk with your doctor (if you have a new one yet) or if you attend church, your pastor can help with a referral. Also, look up the local community mental health center. You can get a referral from them or see a therapist at the center. They will do an evaluation and determine exactly what your diagnosis is and help you get treatment.

 

I hope this helped you,

Kate

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
How long does the depression typically last?
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

It depends on the person and if you receive treatment or not. You can do many things to help yourself and accelerate your recovery. I have some thoughts on how you can help yourself recover quicker.

 

You can check out a book called Thoughts & Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life by Matthew McKay, XXXXX XXXXX, and Patrick Fanning. This can give you some guidance and help you overcome the depression. You seem to have adjustment disorder with depressed mood. This is easily treatable and the book can help a lot.

 

Take vitamins. Start checking in with your doctor. Then if it is ok, take 1,000 mg of Omega 3 fatty acid. Also be sure you get enough of the B vitamins. They help lift your mood and can improve your outlook.

 

Try making some new friends. This will help you feel less lonely and improve your mood. Any effort you make is a positive move.

 

Give yourself a few months to recover. If after that time you do not feel like you have improved or you find yourself feeling worse, contact a therapist for help.

 

Kate

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