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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My husband continues to stay up to after 2 30 and 3am after

Resolved Question:

My husband continues to stay up to after 2:30 and 3am after repeated discussions of how it interfers with the quality and amount of sleep I get. My alarm goes off at 5:30 and I have to be up at 6am. I go to bed at 1am and get a good 5 hours of sleep. If I don't get this, it affects my work the next day and I fight falling asleep at my desk. He takes seroquel at midnight to help him sleep. Sometimes it makes him drowsy in an hour, usually 2-3 hours. I've sugessted he take it earlier, but he doesn't. Suggestions on how to resolve this recurring problem that works fine for him, but not for me or us as a couple?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

Dealing without sleep is difficult and affects your concentration, appetite and ability to control your emotions.

 

Some couples just cannot sleep in the same room. Actually, a lot of married couples sleep separately because of incompatible sleep patterns. Since you have tried many other options this may be the best choice for you.

 

The fact that your husband is not willing to work with you on this issue is curious. It sounds as if he either cannot make the arrangements work for him so he reverts back to the original behavior, or he is not as concerned about your lack of sleep as his inability to sleep. If this is a symptom of other similar issues in your relationship, you may want to seek out counseling to help resolve the underlying issue.

 

Has your husband had a sleep evaluation done? He may have a root cause that is yet undiscovered and could be solved with medical intervention. Contact his doctor for a referral for a sleep study to see if a cause can be found.

 

If you cannot sleep separately, there needs to be a reason found for why your husband is choosing his needs over your needs. After all other options are ruled out, this is the issue that needs resolved through counseling. Contact your doctor or if you attend church, your pastor can help with a referral. Also, your local community mental health center can help you if needed.

 

I hope this helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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