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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi! I would like to have your advice. It is about my relationship. I have been togeth

Resolved Question:

Hi! I would like to have your advice. It is about my relationship. I have been together with my girlfriend for 2,5 years. We recently moved and many things changed. We both have had a lot of stress. I became a person hard to love. She told me 2 weeks ago that she thinks she needs a break. She said her love disappeared for me. She went away for a few days. I was thinking a lot and discovered where and how things went wrong. Mainly problems with myself in the first place. I told her everything when she got back. She said she was happy to hear that. Since then anytime I do anything nice to her she says she feels pushed and uncomfortable and that I shouldn't do that because it will not change anything. I feel she is very cold towards me. I also asked her if she wanted to save this relationship or not. She says she doesn't know. Shall I keep asking? Do you think we should decide if we want to save it or just wait? I don't really know what to do anymore. I try to convince her that all the ni
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


I am impressed with your ability to have insight into the problem you had. The fact that you acted the way you did, realized it and owned up to it shows strength.


The fact that this just happened two weeks ago may be a bit early for your girlfriend to be able to start feeling happy again about the relationship. In order for her to break up with you, she must have been pretty hurt by whatever happened. It is not easy for her to change her feelings that quickly. She needs time.


Back off a little. Let her have space, but also let her know you love her. Do nice things quietly and don't call attention to them. Do them out of love but not to gain her favor. Be there. That is one of the nicest things you can do to help. Talk with her whenever she wants and keep it neutral, no pressure. Just be yourself around her. The last thing she probably wants is for you to try to impress her. She is sorting out her feelings and the more pressure she gets, the more she'll react with hostility.


If this goes on for months, consider counseling. Couples counseling can be very effective in helping you both learn to air out your problems and feelings and also to learn to communicate so neither of you get hurt in the process. Contact your local community mental health center or if you attend church, your pastor is a wonderful source for couples in need of counseling.


There is also a wonderful website to help you learn the best way to give her the love she needs. It is called It helps you learn more about how to love each other the best way possible.


I hope this has helped you,


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