Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It is difficult when communication becomes an issue in a relationship. I can understand your frustration with this problem.
I assume you both have discussed why he is responding to your feelings this way? Whatever has caused him to criticize you in this manner needs to be discussed. Is he unhappy with the relationship? Is he under stress of some sort? Basically, what has changed either with him or the relationship to bring him to this point.
Also, you can try to have a time where you are allowed to express yourself and he is not allowed to comment. Make it a brief period, say two minutes. Then allow him the same amount of time. But in either case, no one is allowed to say negative comments, only positive. Reflective comments such as "That sounds like it was tough to deal with" or "I'm sorry that happened to you" are examples of how to respond in a positive way.
You can also try counseling. Even brief, short term counseling can help you both with communication. The therapist can hear how you communicate and offer suggestions and ways you can improve how you speak to each other, or how he speaks with you. You can also explore the lack of respect and other possible causes of the communication break down.
There is also a website that may help. It is called http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. It is based on marriage, but it would work for any couple. It's all about how to communicate to each other and what each person needs to feel loved and affirmed in a relationship.
I hope this has helped you,
It sounds like you have worked on this issue a lot. From what you told me, may be that he has some unresolved issues with anger. Usually not confronting a situation then making a comment off hand speaks to issues with anger that he does not want to confront or deal with in the relationship. It would help a lot if he was willing to talk about it. It could be that he is not as aware of it, but I doubt that since he is putting back on to you by saying you are overreacting.
I would try some of the other options for counseling. They can be low cost or even no cost depending on your income. The local community mental health center may be your best bet. Maybe with a therapist, he would be more willing to discuss this. Plus they will have the ability to see the issue and bring it out into the open.
Please let me know if you have any further questions,