How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5454
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I try to express to my partner that I do not like being criticized

Resolved Question:

I try to express to my partner that I do not like being criticized, judged or told I'm overreacting when sharing my feelings. He has continued so, now I withdraw and rarely express my feelings he then asks why I don't tell him what's wrong. I tell him because he just demeans or minimizes my feelings so it's useless. He responds the same way thus in just goes in circles. How can I communicate to him that I hurt and the anger and resentment from not being responded to in a respectful manner is diminishing how I feel for him. I am tired of repeating myself and communicating on my end in the "proper" manner by starting " I feel, I need". Don't know what to do. We;ve been together for 7 years and he has not always been like this.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It is difficult when communication becomes an issue in a relationship. I can understand your frustration with this problem.

 

I assume you both have discussed why he is responding to your feelings this way? Whatever has caused him to criticize you in this manner needs to be discussed. Is he unhappy with the relationship? Is he under stress of some sort? Basically, what has changed either with him or the relationship to bring him to this point.

 

Also, you can try to have a time where you are allowed to express yourself and he is not allowed to comment. Make it a brief period, say two minutes. Then allow him the same amount of time. But in either case, no one is allowed to say negative comments, only positive. Reflective comments such as "That sounds like it was tough to deal with" or "I'm sorry that happened to you" are examples of how to respond in a positive way.

 

You can also try counseling. Even brief, short term counseling can help you both with communication. The therapist can hear how you communicate and offer suggestions and ways you can improve how you speak to each other, or how he speaks with you. You can also explore the lack of respect and other possible causes of the communication break down.

 

There is also a website that may help. It is called http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. It is based on marriage, but it would work for any couple. It's all about how to communicate to each other and what each person needs to feel loved and affirmed in a relationship.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you this is helpful. I have attempted to discuss or ask why he is feeling or acting this way and he gets annoyed and tell me I'm overreacting that I make a big deal out of everthing. My sense is mainly to avoid talking or conflict he avoids confrontation at all costs but will make remarks to provoke me. We did make two visits to a counselor but did not get very far since they were generally assessment visits and could not afford the out- of pocket expense. I actually have this recommended book at home which actually assisted me in becoming more aware of how to communicate with him but I got discouraged when it felt so one-sided.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

It sounds like you have worked on this issue a lot. From what you told me, may be that he has some unresolved issues with anger. Usually not confronting a situation then making a comment off hand speaks to issues with anger that he does not want to confront or deal with in the relationship. It would help a lot if he was willing to talk about it. It could be that he is not as aware of it, but I doubt that since he is putting back on to you by saying you are overreacting.

 

I would try some of the other options for counseling. They can be low cost or even no cost depending on your income. The local community mental health center may be your best bet. Maybe with a therapist, he would be more willing to discuss this. Plus they will have the ability to see the issue and bring it out into the open.

 

Please let me know if you have any further questions,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5454
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education