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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Im 36 years old, moved 2700 miles to be with my boyfriend

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I'm 36 years old, moved 2700 miles to be with my boyfriend who had been with a year and knew for a long time. I found out 3 weeks later he was cheating and the woman was 2 months pregnant. Not with him anymore but can't get over the betrayal. That was 5 months ago, how do I get pass the anger?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


I am sorry you are dealing with this situation. When someone betrays you, it can hurt very deeply. The fact that he not only let you move to be near him but also hid a relationship from you, you really have two issues to deal with when trying to recover from this relationship.


In order to recover from this relationship, recognizing all the feelings and letting yourself experience them is the best way to move on. You mentioned feeling angry. That is good. However, often times, anger covers up hurt. You can feel both, just one, or none at all. But however you do it, you still are hurt. The pain of such a betrayal comes from the fact that you are in mourning over the relationship. You had expectations based on what you and your boyfriend had together. You assumed he was with you, wanting the same things. You made a big effort for the relationship and gave of yourself by moving to be near him. He not only did not acknowledge that, he went the other way and betrayed you instead. Any loss such as you experienced is going to cause a person to grieve. And that is completely normal.


If you haven't already, you may want to seek out therapy, even short term. It would give you support which you need right now. Also, talk with friends, family or anyone you can trust to listen and let you express your feelings. Give yourself time and allow yourself to cry when you need to. Express your anger by taking a boxing class, writing your feelings out, yelling into a pillow, anything you feel would help and is safe for you. Find ways to make yourself feel better by pampering yourself. You deserve it after what you have experienced! Plus it will boost your self esteem.


There are also some books to help you get through this time. One is called Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours by Daphne Rose Kingma. Another is Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart by Douglas K. Snyder PhD, Donald H. Baucom PhD, and Kristina Coop Gordon PhD. These are available on or your local library may have them for you.


Remember to take care of yourself and let yourself have time to feel better. It may take a while, but that is ok. You will get over this and one day soon you will know it is all behind you.


I hope this has helped you,




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