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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hello, I have never spoken about the way I feel/am to anyone,

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Hello, I have never spoken about the way I feel/am to anyone, so here goes... to my friends, peers and colleagues I appear as a happy sociable person, people tend to find me quite amusing, but my family know me as miserable and moody person and have often said they prefer not to be around me, which is hurtful but I can understand because I do come across as miserable looking and quiet. But the truth is I resent them because of the way they have made me feel growing up, dreams of having academic high achiever children (that they were) they have always applied high standards and pressure onto me and my siblings, problem being I struggled very much with subjects like science and math, but I excelled in creative subjects such as english and art throughout my childhood through to today I am constantly reminded that I will be always seen as a failure, and I am not likely to ever make a living and that they are embarrassed of me and would constantly compare me to other peoples children, wishing that I could be like them. As I got older I became and still am a very independent closed off person, which isn't intentional but I tend to use humour to brush off personal questions, turn my problems into jokes, things that I am hurt by and I also use humour as excuses for insignificant things like why my hairs a mess or why i'm overweight to avoid people pointing out and ridiculing me, as if to say they can't bully me on that because i've brought it up bullied myself with them included so it can be avoided... I have developed almost a different persona that I hide behind everyday until I'm alone or at home. While I was in school I was bullied for the way I looked continuously for about 3 years until it eventually stopped, it affected me badly and because of it I have no confidence or self esteem at all, which is affecting my everyday life, after the bullying I told a family member who didn't believe it, and thought of it as a joke and have been further ridiculed by them. I felt embarrassed I told them and have been unable to ever tell people of the way I feel. Ultimately I have bottled up everything for so long its getting to the point that I can't continue living my life in this way, but its been so long I don't think I could tell anyone without expressing extreme anger, which has happened twice, once witnessed where I was taken and left outside to calm down I believe so that another family member wouldn't see. I don't know if I act this way because of neglect? or have never experienced a loving family environment? But I don't know if I'm capable of ever loving anyone? as I tend to run away from any form of relationship if I feel people are getting too close.
I was brought up to never back chat so I have taken harsh criticism my entire life, and to deal with it I would try change myself almost to 'start again' to better myself this has made me become a perfectionist within my own work and has included consistent wardrobe changes, cutting all my hair off, I can't help to loathe myself I can't even bare to look at myself and am so full of anger when I do, I abuse my body as the only way of trying to relieve the pain I guess? I am just becoming more and more lost and its now got to the point where I don't know who I am or where i'm going or what i'm living for. I doubt myself and I don't know if i'm just feeling hard done by? or just being pathetic? as I know everyone has problems to an extent. But this pain won't go away, and everyday I wake up with embarrassment and feeling like a different person, and I don't know if I can go on much longer like this or how to make it better? should I consider counselling?...
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your problem.


It sounds as if your parents had very high expectations of you and also tried to fit you into an "ideal" they had based on what they achieved in life. When you went the direction you chose, they felt you were a failure and were embarrassed by you.


I would highly recommend counseling to deal with how you feel. You have been hurt by what they said and how you have been treated. You take it out through your anger and with how you treat yourself physically. By going to counseling, you can start to learn how to express your feelings in more positive and creative ways. It also helps to learn how to put what belongs to your parents with them. What I mean is that all of their projections, ideals and judgment of you that you have taken in as part of yourself needs to be put back on them. What they have done is about them only. It is not about who you really are. Counseling can help you see that more clearly.


See if you have a local community mental health center near you. Or you can try your pastor, if you attend church. Any universities near you may also offer free or low cost counseling through a psychology program.


You appear to have good insight to what caused your problem and the fact that counseling would help. That is a very good sign that you will do very well.


I hope this helped,


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thankyou, so I am eligible for counselling? will counselling be kept confidential?

Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

I believe you would benefit from counseling, yes.


Counselors are mandated to keep anything you say confidential unless you threaten someone else or yourself, or are abusing a minor. In those cases, counselors are mandated to report what they hear (and only that part) to the authorities. Otherwise, counselors are not even allowed to confirm or deny that you are a patient unless you sign an agreement that they may do so.



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