Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hi, I'd like to help you with your problem.
It sounds as if your parents had very high expectations of you and also tried to fit you into an "ideal" they had based on what they achieved in life. When you went the direction you chose, they felt you were a failure and were embarrassed by you.
I would highly recommend counseling to deal with how you feel. You have been hurt by what they said and how you have been treated. You take it out through your anger and with how you treat yourself physically. By going to counseling, you can start to learn how to express your feelings in more positive and creative ways. It also helps to learn how to put what belongs to your parents with them. What I mean is that all of their projections, ideals and judgment of you that you have taken in as part of yourself needs to be put back on them. What they have done is about them only. It is not about who you really are. Counseling can help you see that more clearly.
See if you have a local community mental health center near you. Or you can try your pastor, if you attend church. Any universities near you may also offer free or low cost counseling through a psychology program.
You appear to have good insight to what caused your problem and the fact that counseling would help. That is a very good sign that you will do very well.
I hope this helped,
I believe you would benefit from counseling, yes.
Counselors are mandated to keep anything you say confidential unless you threaten someone else or yourself, or are abusing a minor. In those cases, counselors are mandated to report what they hear (and only that part) to the authorities. Otherwise, counselors are not even allowed to confirm or deny that you are a patient unless you sign an agreement that they may do so.